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How I know whatcha lazy hungover ass will be doin’ tomoz (or how ima already predictin’ & postin’ like a 2015 pro)

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Yo yo yooooooo – Merry fuckin’ New Year to all gangstas out there! Ima currently havin’ a blast at ma fav bar in Stockers, with some of ma fav peeps in da whole wide hoooood! Bar is shut, so we quite literally OWN this shit fo 1 nite ONLY!!!

So ya, bein’ an optimizin’ gangsta I reckon yo’ll will be more of in a receivin’ mode tomoz while on da couch stuffin’ yo hungover face with pizza…!!!!

Have a blast tonite & consider yo ass lucky yo got ma ultra-gangsta-supa-psycho-psychic predictions to look forward to tomoz!

Ma ultra-excitin’ life is peakin’ rite bout now, stay tuned and I’ll see yo in, what will be, the best year eva eva eva eva!!!!!!!

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Return of da ellaG (or how I will never smoke weed through ma pxxxy)

cooooooool yo.

cool yo.

Soooooooooooo, what up peeps? It’s mos def been a bit of what some would call a while. But that’s no wokkas. I can, and will, explain it all. What happened was, it got massively ultra-dark here in ma hood, and I did this test on FB, “what animal are you?”. Turned out I wazza bear. Shortly after that I went straight into hibernation. Natural thang to do when yo is a bear, duhhhh. Kinda felt good, since I don’t sleep all that much for some, or most, of da time.

Either way, woke up at some point, to: “Welcome to the year of the whores. People around the globe celebrate.

I don’t think I need to explain ma lil’ gangsta ass much, when I admit I went right, and straight back into hibernation. Felt pretty good. Let’s face it peeps, ima no whore, ima muttafucking gangsta bear. Word.

Anyhoo, at some point I did wake up again, it was a very strange smell, still, to this day, I cannot say if it was good or bad. Deffo some good vibes to it, so ya, this smell, and the way it made me feel… Strange combo, but hey, kinda got me goin’, to say the least.

Then life went on, as ya’ll know it’s A supa-ultra-exciting-times-life fo this lil’ gangsta allova time. so ya. For a bit I guess I forgot who I was until…. wait for it… I heard ma song! Yeyo, true story, woke up somewhere, somehow… and heard this – ellagangstaisdamothafuckengaloregangstaofalltimes – So, consider yoself to be a lil’ bit in luck to experience the return of this G.

As yo can see, ima lookin’ mo G than eva… lotsa filters to explore ma gangstaness – ma personal favs are the “food”one, and also the “pirate”one… cray cray pirates FTW me reckons. If yo ass guesses right on which those 2’s are, you will get to smoke some serious shit with me (not like the “this smell” link, that shit is nAstay).

Anyhoo, sharing is caring, and I care a lot boutcha’ll, so ima back with a vengeance, or blog, or whatevz, (same shit, difoo wööörd), to share ma shit whithca all, ultra exciting life as always. Do ya self a favour, and STAY TUNED. (NO MO HIBERNATION BS FTWWW. wööööörd on dat one.)

 

 

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NO undies (or how I got inspired by Luis Suarez and finally scored)

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So, today Ima headin back to Danish land fo some Brossie Chrissie-good-times. Therefore I had to, yet again, get dat dirrrrttttay laundry clean one time. Fuck, even I’m gettin a bit bored with that one now…. So in true ellagangsta fashion I decided to spice it up one time, and this is what happened:

– Got home and took ma undies off

– Looked fo some good lookin’ meat in ma laundry room

– Spotted the one with da biggest … smile … and said “how u doin, Ima wearing NO undies”…

Turns out he was doin’ fine and da rest is history. So yep, I’m extra lucky today. If yo is feelin’ yo wanna score some fresh meat too, please follow above steps accordingly.

Now, more important matters at hand, it turns out ma blog has kinda sophisticated stats given to me, when I care to look at ’em. From these lil’ insights in how you read ma blog, there is one thing that particularly been bothering me of late. Let me explain, or rather ask yo in a perfectly fine gangsta-fashion; Why the fuck don’t you do yourself a favour and click on da amazing, groundbreaking, worth-yo-while, and always qualitative ellagangstaextensions???

Here is a lil’ sample of today’s ellagangstaextension…:

So apparently monster porn is kinda huge deal for all da sexually deprived fuckers out there. I don’t really get it, but big-selling titles such as “Bigfoot Did Me From Behinda and I Liked It“, “Alien Seed“, “The Horny Leprechaun“, “Cuckwolfed” and “At the Mercy of the Boar God” kinda speak for themselves. However, there is a twist to these bestiality-loving writers and their relationship with every self-publishers’ partner in crime, that partner being Amazon. You should mos def read this article, here’s a lil’ quote from one of the animal-sex writers, the rest? Just read it!

“It’s all a facade, of course. My plots are depraved. They’re definitely not for kids or grandmothers. But I put it in a glossy package, so it doesn’t offend anybody who’s just searching through Amazon.”

Ultra-exciting life galore galore galore. And you KNOW IT! Stay tuned.

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What I did last night (or how social experiments are the sauce)

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ellagangstaextensions FTWWW

So ya, as I’m sure ya’ll noticed I did not blog last nite. Kinda big thang, I know. Anyways, I simply cannot talk bout what I actually did last nite. One of those… usually ima kinda open with it all. Literally. But ya, last nite shall not be discussed. Neither heard nor seen type of scenario. I like it, to be honest, gives me that mysterious edge I’ve yearned for all my life. But I will give you something though, a few things actually. In points, to keep it shortish, and to da point, (the point also being something rather mysterious. Yup, that’s right, the point and I walk the same mysterious path tonite).

1. Went to something called 5×5 tonite, it’s a “meeting point for tomoz’ culture”.. yup. Good times. One thing though, this one dude was talking (format is 5 peeps who’re ( 😉 ) inspirational/have achieved stuff talk for 5 mins each etc etc… 5×5 go figure kinda thang. Duh). Anyhoo, he was talking bout how he started all these companies with another guy, and they’d never met, or even spoken on the phone, till like ages after they started/achieved all these things. All they did was just texting. EPIC CRINGE. I really felt sick listening to this shit. Sure they’ve done well, entrepreneurs galore, great success times a trillion… on and on it goes. Well done. But hey, no human interaction beyond the screens of their mobile phones – sorry, SMART PHONES – holy crap! I usually call someone after a couple of texts, cause I just can’t bear it… and then he went on to promote this company culture where they basically never see each other, they just text. Not sure where I’m going with this one. I just wanted to put it out there. Outta all da peeps I love in da world, I always try my hardest to be face to face with as many of them as I can, as often as I can. I go outta ma way all of the time, cause I think it’s supa-important, and it makes me happy. And I find it scary that someone promotes robot, secluded, non-in-yo-face-interactive behaviour as a success story FTWWW. FULL STOP. Human interactions for the win I say.

2. What else. WTF happened to Kanye? Good question right there. Please click on the ellagangstaextensions for one, of many, examples of this man’s public downfall. Laugh or cry? It’s a free world -the choice is yours.

3. Social experiments? Just putting it out there. Is it the way forward? In context with above rant, experimenting with human subjects, and investigating a dude/dudette, or groups of ‘em, evaluating, interacting, observing etc is perhaps what we must turn to. We need to do something me thinks. Before we all become 5×5 robots kinda thang. In-yo-face-social is perhaps the new SOCIAL. Kinda how offline dating should be the new black.

4. Guess the sauce! Yup, look at da image and guess the sauce, or should I say the sauces. It’s a fun, innocent, exciting, social and interactive game – ma gift to you! (if you do guess, and get each sauce right, you’ll get a very special prize involving maself and lotsa sauce, ultra-interactive style. If that groces you out I don’t blame you, and we will organize for a more sanitary prize of yo choice!).

5. I’m tired. Goodnite party peeps. Ma life is, not only ultra-SOCIAL, but also ultra-exciting. Stay tuned.

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How to put the V into da I and da P (or why I’m too high to go to sleep)

How to put the V into da I and da P (or why I’m too high to go to sleep)

So, on our last nite, in what we now refer to as “da Kesh”, we went OUT to a club, where a sista from anotha mista used to work (sista from anotha mista is similar to something I’ve described in an earlier post. You just replace brotha with sista, and motha with mista. If you don’t quite get it, I suggest you re-read – naturally assuming yo non-lazy ass already read it – the post I’m referring to, it’s called “Goodbye my almost lover”, and it’s really good). Anyhoo, out we went, and naturally we had a blast. Since my almost lover G used to work there, they took really good care of our harem and us, and we enjoyed some serious VIP boozing and met some new homies. Good times fo sho.

Had a pretty coolio last day too, and managed to find a dealer who sold us our drug of choice, (bein’ da most gangsta of ’em all; sweets/lollies/candy), so we were pretty set when we headed on over back to Stockers… however, by the end of da flight, we’re all feeling ultra-sick, due to our riddicko consumption of lollies, and now I’m so high from all the sugar and cannot sleep. Epic fail indeed. BUT, it did taste pretty good, so c’est la vie on dat one.

Anyhoo, back in Stockers now, very much a short’n sweet sorta trip-thang to do, but we mos deffo had a blast, so all good in da hood right now. Will have to go back to take care of ma husbands pretty soon, can’t wait fo da youngest one to grow up, and be the man I know he already is, (yup, his mos def ma fav hubbie at da mo). Infinite ultra-exciting life galore. Stay tuned.

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Oooooops, I did it again (or how I married 9 Moroccan men in less than 24 hours)

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So, naturally ma G’s and I are havin’ an absolute blast discovering Marrakech, gettin’ amongst an (open?) ratio of animals, scooters, bikes, men, fruits, oils, more bikes, cars and all sortsa galoreness. You name it – Marrakech’s got it!

Anyhoo, here’s a quick “so-far-status-update” for you to enjoy:

– I now have 9 Moroccan husbands (one of them bein’ the mere age of 16 years, but it’s ok, cause he said it’s legit)

– I’ve put several STREET food items in ma mouth, and let me share a lil’ secret with ya all – it felt good every time!

– I’m now the proud owner of three camels and one donkey, my aspirations are to acquire at least one horse before my departure (beautiful horses all ova town)

– Abdul, THE dude in our casa, likes to serve us brekkie in bed – very nice indeed

– Ma blonde, ultra-hawt G’s are receiving epic amounts of Moroccan love, (mos def no surprises there), and let me tell ya – they’re all ova it, like fuckin’ Santa on X-mas Eve

Lotsa more things goin’ on in our new hood, but gotta hit da streets, cause tonite we’re takin’ our harem outta party! Ultra-exciting life continues, as always… Stay tuned homies.

Epic party times galore (or how it can be utterly painful to spend time with da peeps yo love da mostest)

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So yesterday one of ma favs at work did something ultra-sweet for me. He is a bit of an SEO nerd/expert (yes, ma professional life is nerd- HEAVEN), and he looked up a bunch of pages online based on da word “galore”. Turns out it was pretty much all ellagangsta. So I was touched, to say the least. Somehow ma gangsta galoreness is out there. Now, I’m kinda avoiding the, actually, rough/tough/hard (basically not gangsta) topic I’ve touched on in ma header (not the “ellagangsta.cool yo-header” – fuck, I love that one though. Man, I’m stalling bt. Holy crap, I really don’t wanna own up to writin’ bout this. But I will. Takin’ gangsta to da next level, or something rather).

So far my trip has consisted of extraordinary heavy, deep, existential, environmental, self righteous, self absorbed, personal, hardcore and racist convos (ok, feelin’ a bit sorry for maself here, perhaps not racist. Ok, NOT racist – but heya – some hardcore shit regardless). But ya, we’ve pretty much slaughtered each other, although the three of us are good peeps when it comes down to it. And we have similar values, views etc. Of course we express these shared values and believes in diffo ways. But FUCK, the combination of the world being fucked in a lotta ways, and our own need to be individual, special, have our say… You name it. It’s like being back in acting school again, apart from that this time I’m the worst one. Holy crap. Need to catch some zzz’s on this one… (OMG, did I just write that? Fucking hell. All time new low achieved anyone? Yup, check that one ploise). So ya, ma ultra-exciting life also comes with drama. Party. What did you expect. I’m fucking human after all. Stay tuned.

Bitch don’t kill ma vibe (or how ama gonna be sleepin’ with two hawt blonde Swedish chicks da next couple of nights)

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That’s bout it, havin’ too much of a very hawt blast, say no more…! What can I say? Ultra-exciting life indeed. Stay tuned.

I was gonna write about anti-rape and Sacha Baron Cohen (or how Jawed is the most hilare guy eva)

I was gonna write about anti-rape and Sacha Baron Cohen (or how Jawed is the most hilare guy eva)

So yup, this is actually a true story. I was indeed gonna write about above mentioned items… however, there is ONE thing in this world that’s been creating some laughter actions within me, to the point where I laugh till I cry, every time I think of it. And this it IT: (are you ready for some hilare galore mf’s???).

But ya, ok. Jawed Karim, the American (THE) INTERNET entrepreneur of Bangladesh-German origin, a co-founder of YouTube, and also the individual who appears in da first YT vid (seriously no surprises there, BUT surprise is, he’s in da fucking zoo!!!), made a comment on his own vid – 8 years laters!!! CRAY CRAY indeed. And his comment is hilare. As you can see in da image I provided you with (as opposed to “not provided” = bad SEO joke, ma nerdiness is reaching obscure levels here, but it’s ok, cause at least I make ma self laugh on a daily basis) But ya, founder of YouTube, and I quote.. “Why the fuck do I need a Google+ account to comment on a video?” If that is not humor on an advanced level I rest ma case. Probs a lie, I just cannot fathom how anyone could not find this absofuckinglutely hilarious.

Also, I saw a cute guy yesterday. He’s ultra-cool, travelling the world, seems to be supa-funny, smart, lil’ crazy and just easy-goin’/open. I really like him. How did we meet? I was tagged in some post about him discoverin’ Oman. So yeah, he’s havin’ a blast and I’m diggin’ it. Will I eva meet him? Fuck knows. I do real well with da boys. Clearly. But ya, good on him keepin’ it real and lookin’ extra-cute. RESPECT.

As always, I lead an ultra-exciting life. Gotta travel to a place I neva been to before tomoz – Västerås [vɛstərˈoːs] (it’s a town/city in “central Sweden”, close to some shore of something called Mälaren, bout 100 k’s from Stockers (AKA ma hood), anyhoo, good to visit other hoods as always. Ima probs a lil’ bit more pumped bout ma Morocco trip on Thursday, but hey, Västerås could possibly be ze SHIT). Either way, fact remains, ma life is ultra-exciting, and YOU should mos def stay tuned. MASSIVE word on dat one. BL = BIG love, AND I MEAN that.

(also, lil’ tip, if you do find yourself reading ma blog kinda semi-regurlarly, you should do yo’self a fav, and perhaps sometimes click on da photos to see where you’ll end up. May not be da hood yo is expecting…!)

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THE SPIDER THAT ALMOST KILLED MY FATHER ALSO ALMOST KILLED AN EXPENSIVE HORSE (OR HOW BLACK CAVIARS’ BRO IS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE)

THE SPIDER THAT ALMOST KILLED MY FATHER ALSO ALMOST KILLED AN EXPENSIVE HORSE (OR HOW BLACK CAVIARS’ BRO IS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE)

So about 5 years ago ma beloved master of the universe father was in good ol’ Aussie town and got bitten by a white tail spider. However, he somehow did not realize this till he got to Bangers (AKA Bangkok), and he only survived due to the strong meds he received back in the very north of Sweden (don’t ask me how he travelled around half the world dying, that’s just how he rolls basically). Anyhoo, there’s right now an outrage in Australia, cause Black Caviar’s bro (Black Caviar is a 5 million dollar race horse, and Black Caviar’s bro, Jimmy, is a 2-year old, money-making-factory-in-da-making) has been bitten by one of these nasty-ass spiders too! And he’s barely making it. HOLD UP! The latest news just came in, and I quote: “Jimmy developed major complications during treatment. Prognosis 50/50 but he is receiving great care, including overseas consultants”.
In ma world this tragic scenario can only result in two outcomes:
Scenario 1: Jimmy dies, and therefore ma dad is stronger than a horse (AN EXPENSIVE HORSE TOO!!!)
Scenario 2: Jimmy survives, but ma dad’s still stronger, due to the fact he did not seek help from overseas consultants (semi-contradicting maself here, since he got bitten in Oz, and received meds in the most northern parts of Sweden, but hey – he still travelled the world dying, AND it’s my blog!), and he is therefore stronger than a horse (AN EXPENSIVE HORSE STILL!!!)
So apart from having a father, in fact proven by science to be stronger than a horse, I can also declare that I do indeed spend too much time in elevators (will go more into details on that one at a later stage – bet you can’t wait to hear what I get up to in elevators), and that I’m, in fact, having some blood-bro love in ma life tonight. One of ma actual brothas from the SAME motha is visiting (AKA a blood-bro). And we are, quite naturally, havin’ a BLAST (just look at the gangsta/beiber/terrorist photo). My life is almost more ultra-exciting than eva. Stay tuned.
Oh, and here’s the link if yo wanna read more bout Black Caviar’s blood-bro.http://www.theage.com.au/sport/horseracing/black-caviars-5m-halfbrother-fighting-for-life-20131114-2xhpk.html

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