Tag Archives: ynwa

Life sucks and then you die (or how I joined a sitcom and never looked back in anger)

What up mofos??? It IS most certainly UP in ma hood at this very mo – most mo’s to be fair.

Or perhaps not so UP at this particular very mo. Have to admit it has indeed been a thoroughly painful eve fo this lil’ gangsta. Holy crap (YES. Let’s bring holy religion to the table at this latish hour. Or not.). NO RELIGION. I agree to agree with yo scheweet-ass-self on this one.
Yep. NO religion. It’s no fun. (unless it’s Bad Religion – neva get sick of that ultra-special-high-quality-shit. Epic fiesta-FUN material all day every day).

Kinda sucks how ma beloved boyzzz lost (quite fairly) tonite. NOT a fan of that, honestly speaking.

Ima ’bout this impressed…

Gah gah gah gah gah gah. GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

Gah gah gah gah gah gah.
GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

So let’s not speak honestly anymore, kinda boring shit. And not very gangsta. Let’s get excited, let’s have FUN. So what’s FUN? I reckon being a gangsta moviestar is fun.

And what do gangstas do when they wanna have fun and be gangsta-moviestars? And make some sorta statement ’bout da riddicko title-obsessed world we live in? Correct answer would be they create their own dreamish gangsta-fun-title-criticizin’ reality… (or they just smoke shit, but hey – why not do both?).

So ya, that’s what ellagangsta did (apart from referring to herself in 3rd person (which could be considered lame… but not if yo is ellaGANGSTA) ).

YO is indeed a very lucky lil’ wannabe-fun-ass-lovin’-criminal-gangsta… one could say it’s yo lucky day! You get to check this shit OUT.

Check it OUT.

Pretty please lemme know if yo didn’t laugh yo lazy ass OFF – and I’ll refer yo to some sorta lame ass helpline. Back to da honest track again; hope it won’t come to that. And if it does – DO ASK SOMEONE ELSE FO SOME SORTA ASSISTANCE.

Cannot save yo lame ass soul on this one. Not today. So fo everyone’s best well-beingish state of mind, let’s just hope yo enjoy this fine piece of A(ss)rt.

Gonna head back to ma ultra-exciting life now, pinky promise it won’t be too long till ima back. Stay tuned beloved mofos.

 

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Slut (or how all good things come to an end and I predict what’s UP in 2015)

Robust vaginal knitting

So ya, 2014 is slut, (obviously “slut” means end, finished, over, finito in Swedish… Duh), and 2015 has offici-to-da-ally begun. It’s, (no surprises there), already been a blast, involving 27 pieces of amazo sushi in MA MOUTH. So yep, 2015 is looking UP!

And here comes what yo been’ waiting for… Gangsta drum-roll-beat happenin’… ellagangsta’s predictions fo a year that is mos def not (a) slut:

(Unfort I got ma 1st predictión wrong, turns out ma NYE blast kept on keepin’ on a lil longer than humanly possible – sorry ’bout dat!)

1. I predict gangsta-ladies around da world are gonna start knitting through their vaginas. That’s rite! Who would not wanna spend an extensive amount of days (28 for example – or how ’bout all day everyday foreva eva eva eva???) knitting from wool that’s inserted in their vagina??? Let’s face it, if yo ass take a good hard look at a vulva, yo realise it’s just a bit of a body – there’s nothin’ that’s shockin’ or scary, or you know, nothing’s gonna run out and beat yo ass UP.

It’s fairly simple too, stick it UP and pull OUT. It’s a pretty robust area we’re talkin’ ’bout here, so ya, no wokkas on dat 1! If yo keep at it there will also be a couple of special days dat will add that X-tra color to it too (yo is most welcome fo dat tip!) Red is, after all, da color of love.

So ya, let’s spread (PUN INTENDED) some gangsta love and start wovin’ FTWWW. If yo is ready to start knitting through yo vulva, you can watch this clip fo some more instructions and inspiration!

That it’s taken us to 2015 to figure this one out is quite surprising really.

2. Always gotta do a PL prediction, was in fact the only one I got rite last year… not happy bout’ dat one, and will mos def be very happy if ima wrong bout dis one… but yep. Reckon’ groco Chelski will win da Premier League dis year. UGH.

3. Hopful Brewing will keep on keepin’ on makin’ amazo beerios dat I (and everyone else lucky enough to get da honour to try it) love. Apart from perfectin’ ma fav beer Sexytipsy even mo (is DAT EVEN POSSIBLE me wonders???), they’ll also make da world a much better place when they release their soon-to-be-success-and-awesomeness-in-general-deluxe latest additión ellagangsta beer. It’s gonna be some fruitful and nutty flavas in dat one!

4. The gyms will be empty come Feb. #factoflifepresented

5. As fo astro predictions, I can tell yo white ass rite now – all yo dreams will come through in 2015!!! Yep, ima not a deliverererrrer of da bad newzzz in 2015. Epic fiesta and congrats on dat 1 bro. It’s in particular most def gonna be an ultra-easy cosmic cruise through April to September. Just sayin’. #thankSmelaterzzzzbro

6. I will have to get maself a new Mac @ some point. Ma current 1 can barely keep on keepin’ up with ma gangsta blog rappin’skillzzz. #macwanker

7. #7 WILL REMAIN DA BEST numba EVA. EVA EVA EVA EVA. (AND will still follow 6 and precede 8 … ??? !!!).

Alrite, on dat note ima gonna go back to ma ultra exciting life. It’s kinda extra-ultra-excitin’ rite now to be honest. So ya, stay tuned, always mo rappin’ comin’ atcha from this lil’ gangsta! Peace OUT!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How to fuck (or how I’ve been keepin’ busy lately…)

LFC-Gangsta

Yo yo yo yo – or should I say hoe hoe hoe hoe!?!?!? Tis’ indeed dat time of da season!

So ya, hope yo asses have been havin’ a very Merry fuckin’ X-mas so far – naturally mine’s been an incredible blast!!!! Been to a few hoods, seen some OG’s dat I love, and yep, just keepin’ it real basically.

In da midst of all da Chrissie craze I somehow managed to read up a bit ’bout how to be a good fucker… didn’t really think I needed it, just wanted to confirm what I already knew;

Yeyo, bein’ yo everyday OG ima naturally a very good fucker, now surprises there if I may say so maself. I always tend to sweat wine and scream ultra loud, (amongst other good-fucker-actions-and-traits), while at it… so there yo go: ellagangsta is a real good fucker.

If yo ass feels da need to do that double-check and read up on it too – go ahead, there’s mos def some killer advice in dis particular article!

Also, yo may have noticed da ultra gangsta beanie ima rockin’ in da gangsta pic of da day. Yep, ellagangsta is now officially an OG LFC-gangsta. If yo didn’t know, it’s da coolest gangsta 1 can be.

I’d like to take cred fo dis one maself… but big shoutouts gotsa go OUT. It was 2 of ma fav gangstas who gave it to me during our galore X-mas celebrations yesterday, thank yo asses very muchly Agge & Danne.

Gotta run to a  party now, ultra-exciting-life just keeps on happenin’ and happenin’ – don’t know how to stop it – and why would I wanna???? Stay tuned, 2015’s ellagangsta predictions are just around da corner…!!!!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Return of da ellaG (or how I will never smoke weed through ma pxxxy)

cooooooool yo.

cool yo.

Soooooooooooo, what up peeps? It’s mos def been a bit of what some would call a while. But that’s no wokkas. I can, and will, explain it all. What happened was, it got massively ultra-dark here in ma hood, and I did this test on FB, “what animal are you?”. Turned out I wazza bear. Shortly after that I went straight into hibernation. Natural thang to do when yo is a bear, duhhhh. Kinda felt good, since I don’t sleep all that much for some, or most, of da time.

Either way, woke up at some point, to: “Welcome to the year of the whores. People around the globe celebrate.

I don’t think I need to explain ma lil’ gangsta ass much, when I admit I went right, and straight back into hibernation. Felt pretty good. Let’s face it peeps, ima no whore, ima muttafucking gangsta bear. Word.

Anyhoo, at some point I did wake up again, it was a very strange smell, still, to this day, I cannot say if it was good or bad. Deffo some good vibes to it, so ya, this smell, and the way it made me feel… Strange combo, but hey, kinda got me goin’, to say the least.

Then life went on, as ya’ll know it’s A supa-ultra-exciting-times-life fo this lil’ gangsta allova time. so ya. For a bit I guess I forgot who I was until…. wait for it… I heard ma song! Yeyo, true story, woke up somewhere, somehow… and heard this – ellagangstaisdamothafuckengaloregangstaofalltimes – So, consider yoself to be a lil’ bit in luck to experience the return of this G.

As yo can see, ima lookin’ mo G than eva… lotsa filters to explore ma gangstaness – ma personal favs are the “food”one, and also the “pirate”one… cray cray pirates FTW me reckons. If yo ass guesses right on which those 2’s are, you will get to smoke some serious shit with me (not like the “this smell” link, that shit is nAstay).

Anyhoo, sharing is caring, and I care a lot boutcha’ll, so ima back with a vengeance, or blog, or whatevz, (same shit, difoo wööörd), to share ma shit whithca all, ultra exciting life as always. Do ya self a favour, and STAY TUNED. (NO MO HIBERNATION BS FTWWW. wööööörd on dat one.)

 

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Everybody’s talkin’ bout Zlatan (or how I manage to not get raped these days)

Image

So ya, tonite the Swedish footie team lost out bt – we’re not goin’ to da world cup in Brazil next year, Cristiano made sure of that one. The dealio in Sweden-town is that it’s beyond a craze when it comes to good ol’ Zlatan, and since he scored twice tonite… imagine Armageddon times trés zillion…. or let’s just leave it at, it’ll keep the peeps goin’ –  for  A WHILE.

I do have some personal issues with this at times though, for example, when one of ma best mates from the UK used to live here, we watched footie all the time. His team is Arsenal (mine is LFC, and since this is a CL (Champions League) related story, I rather not mention ma boys in relation to this amazing league at da mo… I’m feelin’ quite hopeful this will change by the end of this season though…), ANYHOO, so we’d go to a pub to watch the Arsenal CL games, and sometimes they happened to be on the same night whatever team Zlatan was playing for at da time, (let’s face it, this dude most deffo GETS AROUND team-wise), played. And then, the Arsenal game would not be on, not even on one screen. And this is not cause da peeps are following ONE team, they are just following ONE SINGLE player – WHOEVER he plays for…. (did I mention he gets around BIG time galore?). Anyways, not only do I find this ultra-annoying, I also find it rather sad. The beauty of following one team, through the good and the bad times, is equal to the commitment in a marriage, (in my own case, actually proven to be more of  a successful, and long lasting commitment – but hey, I’m not gonna be that provocative, to suggest the love of footie is bigger than the love that exists in a committed relationship), HOWEVER, if you truly love a team, that love, for the team, will not change, despite ONE player/person.  And guess that IS one important difference to take into consideration. Cause when it’s over with a dude, it’s over. And there’s no more love for that team basically. And for me this is huge. I will always love ma boys. Doesn’t really matter how they’re doing, sure it’s challenging, and less than encouraging, at times. But it’s something I stick to, and follow through thick and thin. Gangsta style. So all da peeps following Zlatan’s crazy, sleeping-arouond-antics, when it comes to who he plays for, are missing out massively. Ok, enough about that, just a shame at da best of times in ma mind.

Now, I can’t possibly mention something two days in a row, without providing you with the actual info. This is, and I quote,“The perfect Christmas gift for the lady in your life” : (Sweden’s no one Chrissie pressie 2013 just got released in Sweden-town too,,, guess I’m not surprised this wasn’t it).

Rape is something that should obviously not exist. But like other things, that should indeed not exist, it still happens. Now, some rando Samaritans have given us rapable ladies a beautiful gift that, not only, keeps our softness going, but also protects us from this crime. Apparently the makers of these garments have used techniques, which not only keeps us, as previously mentioned, soft, but also are very resistant when it comes to the initial movements of trying to rape someone. To me the whole product is beyond a bit debatable, (not to mention all the rapists who will take on the challenge to try to test this product, and it’s limits. And therefore embark on a journey when they try to rape the unrapable)…. Yup. Not a huge fan. And watching this vid, is perhaps not making me support it anymore galore, (for a LOT OF REASONS). Of course I’ve attached an article written by someone who does a better job than me, kinda have to, although I’d naturally prefer if yo just read ma blog…. How I ROLL!

WATCH: http://vimeo.com/74514464

READ: http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/antirape-underwear-its-not-a-joke-20131113-2xgpp.html

On a diffo, and ending, note fo this gangsta, I’m kinda goin’ on a trip tomoz…. This time it sure as hell won’t be to Västerås! Ma life remains ultra-exciting. Stay tuned.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How to climb the professional ladder (as opposed to walking under it, and therefore generating epic amounts of bad luck)

So, this week I had a development talk at work. My boss and I both agreed that I most certainly bring the gangsta to da office, that my sushi addiction is, albeit weird, part of my charm, and that it doesn’t affect the work environment in a negative way, as long as I don’t start smelling like fish. All in all it was a good talk and I developed a lot and also feel that I became a bigger person, almost obese. Could also be the fact that I ate a lot of chocolate that day, either way, I’m still me, I just come in a more developed, bigger version. Now I’m gonna go and watch ma fav footie team kick some Fulham ass, Fulham is a kinda funny name, cause “ful” in Swedish means “ugly”. So if you speak Swenglish, I guess Fulham equals to ugly ham. So yup, feeling quite confident we gonna get that ugly ham outta our faces today FTWWW! I have an ultra-exciting life. Stay tuned.

Image

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: