Tag Archives: Sweden

Return of da ellaG (or how I will never smoke weed through ma pxxxy)

cooooooool yo.

cool yo.

Soooooooooooo, what up peeps? It’s mos def been a bit of what some would call a while. But that’s no wokkas. I can, and will, explain it all. What happened was, it got massively ultra-dark here in ma hood, and I did this test on FB, “what animal are you?”. Turned out I wazza bear. Shortly after that I went straight into hibernation. Natural thang to do when yo is a bear, duhhhh. Kinda felt good, since I don’t sleep all that much for some, or most, of da time.

Either way, woke up at some point, to: “Welcome to the year of the whores. People around the globe celebrate.

I don’t think I need to explain ma lil’ gangsta ass much, when I admit I went right, and straight back into hibernation. Felt pretty good. Let’s face it peeps, ima no whore, ima muttafucking gangsta bear. Word.

Anyhoo, at some point I did wake up again, it was a very strange smell, still, to this day, I cannot say if it was good or bad. Deffo some good vibes to it, so ya, this smell, and the way it made me feel… Strange combo, but hey, kinda got me goin’, to say the least.

Then life went on, as ya’ll know it’s A supa-ultra-exciting-times-life fo this lil’ gangsta allova time. so ya. For a bit I guess I forgot who I was until…. wait for it… I heard ma song! Yeyo, true story, woke up somewhere, somehow… and heard this – ellagangstaisdamothafuckengaloregangstaofalltimes – So, consider yoself to be a lil’ bit in luck to experience the return of this G.

As yo can see, ima lookin’ mo G than eva… lotsa filters to explore ma gangstaness – ma personal favs are the “food”one, and also the “pirate”one… cray cray pirates FTW me reckons. If yo ass guesses right on which those 2’s are, you will get to smoke some serious shit with me (not like the “this smell” link, that shit is nAstay).

Anyhoo, sharing is caring, and I care a lot boutcha’ll, so ima back with a vengeance, or blog, or whatevz, (same shit, difoo wööörd), to share ma shit whithca all, ultra exciting life as always. Do ya self a favour, and STAY TUNED. (NO MO HIBERNATION BS FTWWW. wööööörd on dat one.)

 

 

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Happy New Year’s ya’ll (or how I wish yo ass a happy NY wit da 2014 mos relevant predictions fo da year 2014)

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So, Happy New Year to all yo gangstas out there! It’s been a lil’ longer than usual inbetween da ellagangsta blogs, only cause it takes a long time to predict lotsa things…. As ima sure yo ass is aware of, this year has come to an end. If yo weren’t – consider yoself INFORMED. This naturally means a new year will start. So I’ve put on my psycho-psychic hat, and hat-ON, sharing ma well-educated predictions fo 2-to-da-thousandfourteen.

All 2014 of ’em. En-the-fucking-joy!

1. Edward Snowden will officially be declared the new Mandela, and it’ll be an epic party.

2. Man City will win the Premier League (nothin’ ima happy to predict…. But how it is yo).

3. Peeps will get more sick of/less addicted to FB when the new video-ads are rolled out (“I can’t wait for the auto start video ads!” said no one. Ever).

4. Da ellagansta blog will keep on keepin’ on and yo lazy ass will get more addicted by da minute. Not to be alarmed, this will only do yo good in da hood.

5. Sweden will produce 100% more cool kick-ass music vids – and ima gonna star in all of ‘em.

6. All da lazy ass clinomaniacs out there will have to harden da fuck up, get outta bed – and DO SOMETHING (*Clinomania – excessive desire to stay in bed/a lazy ass person that stays in bed all the time and has an obsession with their bed).

7. And now for da lucky no 7 predictión: 2014 will be an awesome epic blast. Word on dat one muttafukkas.

2+0+1+4=7, which also happen’s to be this lil’ gangstas lucky # !!! You did not seriously expect me to predict 2014 things??? C’MON – I’ve got an ultra-exciting life to live FTWWW!!! Enjoy the last day of this year and get PUMPED bout da year ahead. Like da good ol’ gangsta Albert said; “keep movin‘”! See ya’ll next year – stay tuned.

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Good girls go to heaven (Ima goin’ to Copenhagen)

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So, lots goin’ on as per usual. Today I mixed biz with pleasure when I entertained a gangsta client, while putting raw fish items in ma mouth, felt good. More pleasure than biz I must admit.

Tomorrow I wanna go to Copenhagen, doesn’t necessarily make me a bad girl, but yep, that’s what I’m doin. Gonna party it up bt, lookin’ forward to acting like a proper gangsta in Kristiania with ma homies. We’re gonna be in HIGH spirits nd.

Bit of an outrage in good’ol Aussie town too. Pretty scary what’s been happenin’ there of late… Latest is High Court throws out ACT’s same-sex marriage laws!!

Yep. Pretty fucked. One of ma mates asked a more than semi-valid question today, when he said “what happens if one of the people in the couple have a sex change”? I rest ma case. Who gives a fuck.? REALLY? WELL, CLEARLY THE high COURT DOES. FUCKED. UP. Gonna move on from this one now… toooo disturbing.

What about tonite you may wonder? I don’t blame you. Can’t imagine what it’d be like not to be me. Fucking boring I presume… So ya, thank fuck I don’t have to worry bout that one. Tonite I raced home AW and supa-quickly packed for the ultra-early trip tomoz. Then I headed out to a party in anotha hood, lotsa homies, music, some coolio homie-rappers and massive illegal shit in general. Some good times fo sho. And now Ima goin’ to bed with a homie who insists on bein’ mentioned in ma blog. Anotha broe, from anotha hoe, basically. Need to get into that bed right bout now.

Also, got a new nick-name in ma office hood;PPC HOE. Kinda like it cause it makes me sound like a real PRO. Word on that one mf’s. Ultra exciting life keeps on rollin’. Stay tuned.

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A fist in ma mouth (or how I bring da P to da Party)

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So, been a while. Plenty’o reasons for that one, but mainly thought ma blog was somewhat not an appropriate item in da wake of the passing of a legend and inspiration of our time. Considering he spent 28,42% of his life in prison, and still achieved what he did,,, yup. Not much to say. Glad he stayed around for as long as he did.

So YES, gotta lot to cover here, so gonna return to the “points-format” I efficiently tend to use in these situations. Ready? Here we go – ellagangsta style naturally:

–  There was a storm in Stockers this week, kinda nasty. Yup, “Sven” was creeping all ova da city, like an oldish, retardo force of nature. Hit ya in da face like… Hmmm, well, a real force. Much unlike Miley C. So ya. It also happened to be ma very much beloved father’s name-day. Swedish father I have. Naturally his name is Sven. No fucking surprises right there, (or anywhere to be honest). So this storm I had in ma face was named after ma dad, since the particular storm hit us at da exact same time last year. And last year, on the very same day, was also ma father’s name-day… WOAH. Epic huge galore coincidence? Or… Wait for it.. Wait fo it some more… No more waiting! Is da Swedish climate becoming as predictable as its habitants? Ugh. Very scary, boring thought. Predictable even when being unpredictable = boring.

–  Ok, some more funnish stuff. Had a party at work on Friday. Was some good times, and I DID indeed introduce ma homies to ma one and only state of the art party trick. YES. I did put ma fist in ma mouth. I think everyone had a great nite, and particularly enjoyed the segment where my fist was IN MA MOUTH. Epic hawtness right there fo sho.

– Met up with DA girl I met last week again (am I betting for the other team these days one may wonder?). And we went out to an extra shady hood part of Stockers – man, it was ROUGH to say the least – to this debatable party. It was a bit of a dangerous situation. But we did make it through, and had a blast, while barely surviving.

–  Also, some laundry action (gangsta or not, still live in Sweden town). For the record, I washed ma shower curtain today, so now ma ultra clean self will be even more ultra clean – FTWWW. Gangsta style no doubt.

–  Went to a skateboard competition yesterday, was fucking awesome. Haven’t been a part of that community for a while… and was pretty cool how time pretty much have been standing still. Everything was exactly the same. Loved it bt. Sweden’s got some amazing skating talent, fo sho.

–  Naturally I did put some sushi items in ma mouth on several occasions since I last communicated  with you, tonite was extra good, cause I went to da place where they have two diffo kinds of miso soup. #saynomore

–  Also, this one goes out to all yo pervs out there, it’s almost become custom, me blogging in bed. But keep in mind, I’m still in Sweden-town, and it’s freezing… so, hawt in all da pervie-wrong ways. Will keep you posted and let you know if I ever take ma clothes, including the double layers of socks, off, fo sho.

– Now I’m gonna go fall asleep, pondering bout why it is that Ludacris has absolutely no hoes in Swedish area codes. Swedish women have come a long way. Clearly.

Guess yo probs predicted Ima ultra-excited bout ma ultra-exciting life right bout now. A predictable fact/educated guess that’s da opposite to boring. Stay tuned.

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Everybody’s talkin’ bout Zlatan (or how I manage to not get raped these days)

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So ya, tonite the Swedish footie team lost out bt – we’re not goin’ to da world cup in Brazil next year, Cristiano made sure of that one. The dealio in Sweden-town is that it’s beyond a craze when it comes to good ol’ Zlatan, and since he scored twice tonite… imagine Armageddon times trés zillion…. or let’s just leave it at, it’ll keep the peeps goin’ –  for  A WHILE.

I do have some personal issues with this at times though, for example, when one of ma best mates from the UK used to live here, we watched footie all the time. His team is Arsenal (mine is LFC, and since this is a CL (Champions League) related story, I rather not mention ma boys in relation to this amazing league at da mo… I’m feelin’ quite hopeful this will change by the end of this season though…), ANYHOO, so we’d go to a pub to watch the Arsenal CL games, and sometimes they happened to be on the same night whatever team Zlatan was playing for at da time, (let’s face it, this dude most deffo GETS AROUND team-wise), played. And then, the Arsenal game would not be on, not even on one screen. And this is not cause da peeps are following ONE team, they are just following ONE SINGLE player – WHOEVER he plays for…. (did I mention he gets around BIG time galore?). Anyways, not only do I find this ultra-annoying, I also find it rather sad. The beauty of following one team, through the good and the bad times, is equal to the commitment in a marriage, (in my own case, actually proven to be more of  a successful, and long lasting commitment – but hey, I’m not gonna be that provocative, to suggest the love of footie is bigger than the love that exists in a committed relationship), HOWEVER, if you truly love a team, that love, for the team, will not change, despite ONE player/person.  And guess that IS one important difference to take into consideration. Cause when it’s over with a dude, it’s over. And there’s no more love for that team basically. And for me this is huge. I will always love ma boys. Doesn’t really matter how they’re doing, sure it’s challenging, and less than encouraging, at times. But it’s something I stick to, and follow through thick and thin. Gangsta style. So all da peeps following Zlatan’s crazy, sleeping-arouond-antics, when it comes to who he plays for, are missing out massively. Ok, enough about that, just a shame at da best of times in ma mind.

Now, I can’t possibly mention something two days in a row, without providing you with the actual info. This is, and I quote,“The perfect Christmas gift for the lady in your life” : (Sweden’s no one Chrissie pressie 2013 just got released in Sweden-town too,,, guess I’m not surprised this wasn’t it).

Rape is something that should obviously not exist. But like other things, that should indeed not exist, it still happens. Now, some rando Samaritans have given us rapable ladies a beautiful gift that, not only, keeps our softness going, but also protects us from this crime. Apparently the makers of these garments have used techniques, which not only keeps us, as previously mentioned, soft, but also are very resistant when it comes to the initial movements of trying to rape someone. To me the whole product is beyond a bit debatable, (not to mention all the rapists who will take on the challenge to try to test this product, and it’s limits. And therefore embark on a journey when they try to rape the unrapable)…. Yup. Not a huge fan. And watching this vid, is perhaps not making me support it anymore galore, (for a LOT OF REASONS). Of course I’ve attached an article written by someone who does a better job than me, kinda have to, although I’d naturally prefer if yo just read ma blog…. How I ROLL!

WATCH: http://vimeo.com/74514464

READ: http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/antirape-underwear-its-not-a-joke-20131113-2xgpp.html

On a diffo, and ending, note fo this gangsta, I’m kinda goin’ on a trip tomoz…. This time it sure as hell won’t be to Västerås! Ma life remains ultra-exciting. Stay tuned.

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How I became a stripper and an award winning pole dancer (or I rather have a cake in ma face than in ma mouth)

I really wanted to tell you guys about how I became a stripper and an award winning pole dancer… but then I was hit, straight in ma FACE, with the latest breaking, shocking news in Sweden-town… ! I simply cannot obsess about my own stripping, pole dancing galore past while this outrage is affecting my country. This shit needs to be talked about. Even more than it already is. It’s scary how much of a life us Swedes have these days, only ultra-extraordinary news like this will make us react.

Story is: Basically the leader of the Swedish racist party had a book signing for his autobiography, when a woman caked him. To cake someone is when you throw/press/squash* a cake in someones face. And this is exactly what happened. Now Swedes are outraged because this should not happen (never mind peeps being killed, murdered, raped all around the world, CAKING should not happen). Clearly we have massive issues with security. A quote I read relating to this horrible, horrible ordeal translates to “cakings are no fun”. Well, I don’t think racisms‘ much fun either… but hey, that’s just me. I believe in the freedom of speech. Massively. But I also believe in the freedom of everyone being equal. No matter colour, race, sex, sexual orientation etc. It’s not even a matter of freedom, it’s a fucking given in ma hood. Voltaire is even being quoted in these articles. “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”. I.e. if you’re a racist, you should be able to speak your mind, without going through the trauma of being caked. In public and all. Trauma galore. I just wanna add that the Voltaire quote is not accurate to begin with, it was an author named Evelyn Beatrice Hall AKA S.G. Tallentyre, who wrote it in her biography on Voltaire. And guess second thing I’d like to add is, what a waste of a fucking cake… surely there would have been something less eatable, more… hmmm what’s the word I’m looking for her? Lethal, brutal, heavy? To blast in his fucking face. Perhaps? Just a thought. On a good note I just wanna declare that I had sushi twice today. I have an ultra-exciting life. Stay tuned.
*A butternut squash is a sex position in which a cowgirl does a reverse cowgirl and sticks her head between her legs and butters the squash.

(naturally I’ve attached the outrageous video of the epic caking…. enjoy party peeps. I promise I will neva eva post a vid of this boring caliber eva again – gangsta promise).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0p4tV2CcsIE

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