Tag Archives: hood love

Smokin’ some shit in a jacuzzi ain’t so bad (or how a certain bro from anotha ho is rockin’ ma hood)

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Yo yo yo yooooooo, what up dawgzzz? It’s pretty up here I must admit, but no fuckin’ surprises there! Just got home from a lil’ trip around ma hood – one of ma bros from anotha ho just moved in, and not any old bro for dat matta.

Not sure I’ve mentioned him before, but he’s pretty damn spesh – we even shared the same breast milk back in da day. And I can tell yo ass this much, that sorta bond is unfuckingbreakable! Anyways, we’re neighbors now, big hood love on dat one. Wörd. And it gets even better, his new joint’s gotta jacuzzi. Felt pretty good to chill there, smoke some shit, talk some shit, and drink some milk fo old times’ sake.

Also, do yo ass an epic fava, and check out ma homie Hadi Adel. Hadz just released some ultra sweet trip hop sounds, currently on repeat in ma lil’ gangsta ears. So ya, don’t be a fooooool – check it OUT one time (will mos def lead to several times of outcheckin’ – just how good it is). Link’s in the image, OR HERE, just click on it and press PLAY (you’re welcome).

Hadio is from Mtl, and incidentally there’s some other creative shit happenin’ in town, apart from Hadio’s amazo sounds… Apparently Quebec has a porn-acting academy for men – some serious actin’ goin’ ON in there ND. Feel free to read ’bout it HERE (and try not to receive the wrong sorta awards in yo hood Hadz 😉 ).

Anyways, fo me ultra excitin’ life keep’s on rollin’ rollin’ rollin’ as per usual. Peace OUT and fo da love of baby cheezes – stay tuned.

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Return of da ellaG (or how I will never smoke weed through ma pxxxy)

cooooooool yo.

cool yo.

Soooooooooooo, what up peeps? It’s mos def been a bit of what some would call a while. But that’s no wokkas. I can, and will, explain it all. What happened was, it got massively ultra-dark here in ma hood, and I did this test on FB, “what animal are you?”. Turned out I wazza bear. Shortly after that I went straight into hibernation. Natural thang to do when yo is a bear, duhhhh. Kinda felt good, since I don’t sleep all that much for some, or most, of da time.

Either way, woke up at some point, to: “Welcome to the year of the whores. People around the globe celebrate.

I don’t think I need to explain ma lil’ gangsta ass much, when I admit I went right, and straight back into hibernation. Felt pretty good. Let’s face it peeps, ima no whore, ima muttafucking gangsta bear. Word.

Anyhoo, at some point I did wake up again, it was a very strange smell, still, to this day, I cannot say if it was good or bad. Deffo some good vibes to it, so ya, this smell, and the way it made me feel… Strange combo, but hey, kinda got me goin’, to say the least.

Then life went on, as ya’ll know it’s A supa-ultra-exciting-times-life fo this lil’ gangsta allova time. so ya. For a bit I guess I forgot who I was until…. wait for it… I heard ma song! Yeyo, true story, woke up somewhere, somehow… and heard this – ellagangstaisdamothafuckengaloregangstaofalltimes – So, consider yoself to be a lil’ bit in luck to experience the return of this G.

As yo can see, ima lookin’ mo G than eva… lotsa filters to explore ma gangstaness – ma personal favs are the “food”one, and also the “pirate”one… cray cray pirates FTW me reckons. If yo ass guesses right on which those 2’s are, you will get to smoke some serious shit with me (not like the “this smell” link, that shit is nAstay).

Anyhoo, sharing is caring, and I care a lot boutcha’ll, so ima back with a vengeance, or blog, or whatevz, (same shit, difoo wööörd), to share ma shit whithca all, ultra exciting life as always. Do ya self a favour, and STAY TUNED. (NO MO HIBERNATION BS FTWWW. wööööörd on dat one.)

 

 

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Ma girl crush/Oranges + men = 1 (or how ima sharing the secret to eternal youth with ya’ll)

ellagangstaextensions

ellagangstaextensions

So, still cold in ma hood it appears – no surprises there. Harsh reality galore. Luckily enough I’ve got a new crush to keep me warm these days…. Her name is Yvonne and she is pretty and lovely and inspiring and just… hmmm, what’s the word I’m lookin’ fo here?

A M A Z I N G.

Kinda funny story actually, I first met her in da elevator at work, and she’s always lookin’ so fresh, so clean (as ma bros in Outkast would word it), and she is always supa-lovely and happy. So yep, become one of ma lil’ highlights of ma days, to see- and interact with this broad in da elevators… so naturally a crush developed. Images of her constantly Flickers in ma head-kinda-thang. Which is un ultra-nice aspect of ma ultra-exciting life. Anyhoo, was tellin’ ma boss-crush, (which happens to be ma boss, who I still have no chance in hell with… but hey, still coolio to have two crushes in the one building I spend most of ma days in FTWWW), about this amazing woman. I described both her-, and ma feelings towards her, and he goes, “C’MON lil’ gangsta – don’t you know who that is?” I responded, a bit perplexed, I must add, “NO.” I mean, sure she looked familiar in some ways, but just thought it’s cause she’s so lovely and beautiful and I felt as if we had some sort of connection, and that is why da good ol’ familiar feeling came creepin’ on unda ma wanna-be-in-da-sun-all-da-time-and-therefore-black-skin… Anyhoo, turns out she is Miss fucking Universe…!!!! In Sweden-town we only ever had three Miss Universes:

1955 – Hillevi Rombin

1966 – Margareta Arvidsson

1984 – Yvonne Ryding

So guess who ma Misses U is? Lucky #3 muttafukkas! And I belive there is an explanation to her ultra-supa-extraordinare-freshness – the secret to eternal youth perhaps perhaps – she now works with her own skincare line. What can I say, CLEARLY IT WORKS.

Apart from crushing ma crushes, I’ve also been crushin’ fruit in ma kitchen of late. Tonite when I got home I went on a mission to make massive amounts of smoothies, involving a bunch of fruit (duh). Basically lotsa celery, apples, kiwis etc., (won’t go into too much detail as this is no fucking food-blog – gangsta remember…!), but I must mention that it involved nothing less than 7 blood oranges and 7 regular oranges. I do believe the regular oranges were Spanish, not sure bout the origin of da blood ones.

To think of it, I kinda treat, and think of oranges the very same way I treat, and think of men. Don’t care much bout the origin – if they taste good I’m happy to put ‘em in ma mouth. Sometimes they may look a bit off… and then I usually politely refuse… or I still go for it, but then end up in an awkward spitting-out-situation, which is not healthy for anyone’s self-confidence, neither orange, nor man… also makes me feel a bit sicklish, so in general that is not something I’d recommend to maself, or anyone else for that matter. But ya, origin is neva an issue when it comes to me. To think of it, oranges and men do have lotsa things in common:

For one, there is the issue of seed(s), and there is also the fact that both oranges and men tend to smell very good, amongst a wide range of other shared attributes and qualities. Basically, I like oranges and men a lot, for many different, mutual reasons.

But alrite alrite, bit of a classic off-the-topic-scenario happening here… As you were: Fruit. So yeah, turns out I left my smoothie bottles, I need for ma smoothie machine, at work, so now ima stuck in a serious fruit-salad-gone-wrong-massacre in ma lil’ kitchen, (this funnily enough makes me think of one of ma ex hubbies, who strangely enough isn’t *Moroccan. We used to call him Fruity. Hens the ex-factor when it comes to him in particular). (*Even though I tend to not focus on origin of ma men and/or oranges, most of ma ex-hubbies are Moroccan, since I happened to marry a bunch of ‘em in less than 24 hours… blogged bout that one –  do yo homework homie).

But yes, plenty’o fruit in ma kitchen tonite, deffo some sorta party goin’ on. I should probs not be rude, and instead go on and join it, while it’s still fresh (if ima lucky it’ll be as fresh as ma Miss U).

For those of yos who’re into ellagangstaextensions, there’s a good one today, I will no doubt fall asleep pondering bout how I’d possibly be able to reveal all ma insecurities on ma tiny amounts of skin – not so much space, and epic amounts of inc is ,indeed, a challenge I must face one of these days.

Ultra-exciting life much? da peeps ask me from time to time. “Hellz yeah, ultra-exciting galore“, is ma humble response. Stay tuned.

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From da Gangsta’s Paradise to Big Bro to Celebrity Cook-Off (or how Coolio walked through da valley of da shadow of death)

ellagangstaextensions

ellagangstaextensions

So ya, it’s pretty fucking dark in da Swedo hood right ‘bout now. Sure we finally got some snow, but it’s still dark as hell most of da time, which kinda suits a gangsta in some ways. But in some ways it’s just not very much gangsta at all. So instead of discussing my climate disorder issues, I wanna talk bout anotha gangsta, who mos def has been going through some dark shit too. Da question of da mo is, what da hell happened to Coolio…. ? Ima sure ya’ll been pondering bout this one from time to time…lucky you, you got ellagangsta to tell it how it is – to yo FACE!

So after walking through da valley of da shadow of death, while takin’ a good ol’ look at his life, and realizing there was not much left, probs cause he’d been blastin’ and laughin’ so long, that even his mama thought his mind was gone, he decided it was time to make some changes. While makin’ these changes, he naturally did not cross one single man, or woman, who did not deserve it. No surprises there.

But ya, he was sick’n tired of being treated like a punk – clearly that treatment was not called for. So what did Mr CoolYo do? Yup, this G, da lil’ homies wanted to be like, decided to make an ultra-smart career move, (FYI, this is after he was dropped by Tommy Boy Records, and also managed to tattoo a misspelling on his precious skin), he basically got on his knees in da nite, while sayin’ prayers to da street lights. His prayers was answered and he got to be one of da house-homies on Celebrity Big Bro. This is obviously HUGE. And it was a great success, which resulted in him appearing on anotha Big Bro event, this time it was da ULTIMATE Big Bro.

However, this educated fool with money on his mind, could clearly not live a normal life, since he was raised by da strip, and ended up bein’ removed from da show, due to… WAIT FOR IT… Unacceptable behaviour towards peeps who just weren’t gangsta enough. The way things were goin’ at this late stage… I don’t know. But CoolYo knew, he had to be down with da hood team, and decided it was bout time to find out what was really goin’ on in da kitchen. He did not know what was cookin’, so he took matters into his own hands, and decided it was time to… WAIT FOR IT… cook! Yeyo, this G was no fool, next destination was a Celebrity Cook-Off. Turned out to be a great success, where he ended up bein’ the runner up, raising ten thousand dollars for charity. His menu featured a variety of dishes, mainly consisting of different versions of fried chicken. Some of them were perhaps a bit debatable, but regardless, great success.

Once finished with his fried chicken extravaganza, he still felt incomplete. It was like no one understood-, or could reach him. He felt he was outta luck and everyone was a fool.

Clearly no fool, as previously mentioned, he made the wise decision to appear on the renowned and respected show Wife Swap. Unfortunately his GF left him once the show was recorded… but hey, you win some, you lose some, right? Ain’t no thang for Mr CoolYO. After all, this G has achieved a lot, including producing 6 mini G’s from four diffo intercourse-ships, successfully bullriding a woman (is it just me, or WTF does that even mean???), punching a GF in da face & being charged for it, and appearing the epic show Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Woah, I feel so much better right now. Who cares ‘bout da darkness…? Things could clearly be worse. Lovin’ ma ultra-exciting life. Stay tuned.

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NO undies (or how I got inspired by Luis Suarez and finally scored)

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So, today Ima headin back to Danish land fo some Brossie Chrissie-good-times. Therefore I had to, yet again, get dat dirrrrttttay laundry clean one time. Fuck, even I’m gettin a bit bored with that one now…. So in true ellagangsta fashion I decided to spice it up one time, and this is what happened:

– Got home and took ma undies off

– Looked fo some good lookin’ meat in ma laundry room

– Spotted the one with da biggest … smile … and said “how u doin, Ima wearing NO undies”…

Turns out he was doin’ fine and da rest is history. So yep, I’m extra lucky today. If yo is feelin’ yo wanna score some fresh meat too, please follow above steps accordingly.

Now, more important matters at hand, it turns out ma blog has kinda sophisticated stats given to me, when I care to look at ’em. From these lil’ insights in how you read ma blog, there is one thing that particularly been bothering me of late. Let me explain, or rather ask yo in a perfectly fine gangsta-fashion; Why the fuck don’t you do yourself a favour and click on da amazing, groundbreaking, worth-yo-while, and always qualitative ellagangstaextensions???

Here is a lil’ sample of today’s ellagangstaextension…:

So apparently monster porn is kinda huge deal for all da sexually deprived fuckers out there. I don’t really get it, but big-selling titles such as “Bigfoot Did Me From Behinda and I Liked It“, “Alien Seed“, “The Horny Leprechaun“, “Cuckwolfed” and “At the Mercy of the Boar God” kinda speak for themselves. However, there is a twist to these bestiality-loving writers and their relationship with every self-publishers’ partner in crime, that partner being Amazon. You should mos def read this article, here’s a lil’ quote from one of the animal-sex writers, the rest? Just read it!

“It’s all a facade, of course. My plots are depraved. They’re definitely not for kids or grandmothers. But I put it in a glossy package, so it doesn’t offend anybody who’s just searching through Amazon.”

Ultra-exciting life galore galore galore. And you KNOW IT! Stay tuned.

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Think twice! (or how divorce is a biatch)

ellagangstaextensions

So, it’s been a bit quiet in ma hood last couple of days, well, perhaps not quiet, quite the opposite come to think of it. Quiet or not, shit is going down right now, consisting of me currently being in the process of processing 9 fucking divorces, (hope you remember the 9 marriages I managed to lock in, in the space of less than 24 hours, when I was in Marrakech). As if one would not be enough – of course I need to go and multiply that with 9…. PROCESS that mf’s! Yup, to say it’s a shit fight and a half is probs the understatement of a life time (I’ve attached an image to illustrate the way I feel on the inside right now)… anyhoo, it’s coming along ok I guess. Only prob is that ma fav, soon-to-be-ex, husband –the one I’ve mentioned previously, the 16 year old – is more of a complicated process, than da normal divorce process. Even though he said it’s ok for us to marry, despite his age, it turns out Ima not only his wife, but I’ve also become his legal guardian. Don’t ask me how I ended up in this situation, it was very hard to keep track of all these men and marriages at da time, so of course it’s easy to overlook the small print, so to speak, or in this case, quite literally. Today I’ve been using the Internet to communicate with his grandfather, two of his aunties, his older sister, three of his uncles and also a woman who’s close to da fam and specializes in henna applications… his mum refuses to speak to me. Not to be like that, but feel like she’s being a bit of a bitch about it all. But guess, it’s her youngest son, and it was his first marriage, and now his crying… so guess I’m not her fav person in da universe. But it’s not as if I don’t have feelings too, so I do feel she’s being a bit unfair to say the least. Who could’ve guessed this would end in misery… ?

But ya, main problem is the legal guardian situation, basically the ML, (Moroccan Law), states quite clearly, that in cases when women marry boys who are under the age of 18, they will become something called a legal guardian wife, and a legal guardian wife, will, in cases of divorce, still be responsible for the boy in question’s affairs. This is not to mixed up with sexual affairs, it’s more a case of bein’ lawfully invested with a bunch of power, camels and other debatable items, as well as charged with shitloads of obligations. Far from ideal. But let’s see, if there’s a will there’s a way, and I’m sure the both of us will be free from these obligations, powers etc in no time FTWWW, (while, of course, avoiding hurting any animals in da process) !!!

Hmm, apart from that, I do have some huge news. One of ma lifetime struggles have finally paid off and I’ve now advanced from bein’ a terrible at poker to bein’ awesome at poker!!! These are very exciting times indeed and I’m extra pumped bout this one. Last nite I met two girls in a club, we hit it off, and they joined me out to one of Stocker’s most extreme hoods, where we went to play poker with some gangstas I know through some shady relations I’ve pursued in da past. Anyways, rest is history, let’s just say our wins paid for the late nite gyros we consumed after the game, and more!

This ultra-exciting life is mine fo life! Stay tuned.

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What I did last night (or how social experiments are the sauce)

ellagangstaextensions

ellagangstaextensions FTWWW

So ya, as I’m sure ya’ll noticed I did not blog last nite. Kinda big thang, I know. Anyways, I simply cannot talk bout what I actually did last nite. One of those… usually ima kinda open with it all. Literally. But ya, last nite shall not be discussed. Neither heard nor seen type of scenario. I like it, to be honest, gives me that mysterious edge I’ve yearned for all my life. But I will give you something though, a few things actually. In points, to keep it shortish, and to da point, (the point also being something rather mysterious. Yup, that’s right, the point and I walk the same mysterious path tonite).

1. Went to something called 5×5 tonite, it’s a “meeting point for tomoz’ culture”.. yup. Good times. One thing though, this one dude was talking (format is 5 peeps who’re ( 😉 ) inspirational/have achieved stuff talk for 5 mins each etc etc… 5×5 go figure kinda thang. Duh). Anyhoo, he was talking bout how he started all these companies with another guy, and they’d never met, or even spoken on the phone, till like ages after they started/achieved all these things. All they did was just texting. EPIC CRINGE. I really felt sick listening to this shit. Sure they’ve done well, entrepreneurs galore, great success times a trillion… on and on it goes. Well done. But hey, no human interaction beyond the screens of their mobile phones – sorry, SMART PHONES – holy crap! I usually call someone after a couple of texts, cause I just can’t bear it… and then he went on to promote this company culture where they basically never see each other, they just text. Not sure where I’m going with this one. I just wanted to put it out there. Outta all da peeps I love in da world, I always try my hardest to be face to face with as many of them as I can, as often as I can. I go outta ma way all of the time, cause I think it’s supa-important, and it makes me happy. And I find it scary that someone promotes robot, secluded, non-in-yo-face-interactive behaviour as a success story FTWWW. FULL STOP. Human interactions for the win I say.

2. What else. WTF happened to Kanye? Good question right there. Please click on the ellagangstaextensions for one, of many, examples of this man’s public downfall. Laugh or cry? It’s a free world -the choice is yours.

3. Social experiments? Just putting it out there. Is it the way forward? In context with above rant, experimenting with human subjects, and investigating a dude/dudette, or groups of ‘em, evaluating, interacting, observing etc is perhaps what we must turn to. We need to do something me thinks. Before we all become 5×5 robots kinda thang. In-yo-face-social is perhaps the new SOCIAL. Kinda how offline dating should be the new black.

4. Guess the sauce! Yup, look at da image and guess the sauce, or should I say the sauces. It’s a fun, innocent, exciting, social and interactive game – ma gift to you! (if you do guess, and get each sauce right, you’ll get a very special prize involving maself and lotsa sauce, ultra-interactive style. If that groces you out I don’t blame you, and we will organize for a more sanitary prize of yo choice!).

5. I’m tired. Goodnite party peeps. Ma life is, not only ultra-SOCIAL, but also ultra-exciting. Stay tuned.

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The Master of the Universe loves my blog! (Or 7 facts about Father’s Day)

So. I have a dad. And he is a man. He has many qualities I admire. Multiple would be an understatement. But the one I admire the most, is his ability to take the absolute piss outta himself. There are many examples, stories etc. Not sure which one I like the mostest. And guess this is the most boring blog post ever, cause I’m not even gonna try and make it interesting by choosing a story to tell you. I’m just gonna say that I love my dad, he’s awesome, and I hope that one day I’ll be lucky enough to find someone who’ll be that sort of  a dad to ma kids. Word. Yup. I still manage to keep up an ultra-exciting life. You should most deffo stay tuned, (tomoz post will be provocative galore, to make up for today’s emotional weakish one).

However, when I do something, I tend to do it properly… so if this is a boring blog post – let’s make it fucking ultra-boring!

Ladies and gents, I present to you; 7 “interesting” facts about Fathers’ Day (the only thing I like in below lameness, is the fact that the name “Dodd” appears… twice …. someone, almost as close to me as ma father, used to be called that.)

Soundtrack to these facts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9V0tdWSYLE (a good soundtrack goes a looooong way me reckons)

1. Date first Fathers’ Day eva? Done – June 17, 1910

2. A person named Sonora DODD apparently recognized it takes two to tango… i.e., if there’s a mother’s day, perhaps the dicks should get the equivalent treatment once a year (Sonora DODD and her 5 siblings were raised by their father, after their mother died while giving birth – HEAVY. Dates’ naturally her father’s b’day – no surprises there)

3. Some men initially frowned upon this event, as flowers and gifts wasn’t looked upon as the manly thing to receive (or even give a fuck about for that matter).. however, they soon realized this was the festive season for BJ’s, steaks and sexual intercourse action in general – and they where all IN (quite literally too, I must add)

4. At some point, during the 20-30’s, peeps wanted to ban both M- and F-day, opting for something as original as “Parents’ Day”. For very obvious reasons, this shit did not go DOWN

5. Father’s day is NOT, I repeat NOT, a universal, or global date, by any means (I mean, how many fathers are being celebrated in OZ today? Sweden is da place to be right now, if you’re a dad, that is)

6. Keeping to the fatherly, and also very manly theme of Fathers’ Day, the official flower (!?!?!? A FUCKING FLOWER??? Could it at least be a beer?) is a rose. The colour being, (please tell me one dude who gives a fuck about a colour of a rose – without having any incentives when it comes to the other flower that rose will open up to him…. C’MON!), red for alive and white for dead (fathers that is)

7. The man (the myth, the legend – perhaps a fellow father?) who did the voice of Papa Smurf, also did the voices for Scooby-Doo, Ranger Smith on Yogi Bear and Astro and Rudi on the Jetsons – SCORE! His name? Why would I care, he’s not my dad.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY PAPPA – GRATTIS PÅ FARS DAG VILDHUSSEN!

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