Tag Archives: gangsta

Make sure yo wash yo hands before yo play with da pussy (or how Coolio sets da record straitUP)

GangstaMouth

Yo yo yo yooooo – what up bitches? All good in ma hood!

Ze questión of da day is – did yo wash yo hands today? Cause our good bro CooliO gotsa some words to say ’bout dat one. No surprises there as I like to say, although, on this one… yeyo, lil’ bit surprising to say da least.

As yo all know I’ve touched (ON) (I WISH) Coolio before. He’s a very fascinatin’ character to say da least. Ima sure all of yo remember ma biographic version of “Gangsta’s Paradise” a while back, quite epic, if I may say so maself.

Anyhoo, this amazo gangsta dude is naturally at it AGAIN – PORNHUB is da context. So ya, lemme keep it short. Or. Hmmm. I’m not a man of a few words. FACT times 2:

1. I’m not a man

2. I very rarely use, what one would refer to as “few words”

But ya, will try to not go on and on and on like some sorta shitty over-produced BS song.

Ima gonna begin with a quote, (I’ve noticed most of yos don’t click on ma links, and this article is priceless to say da least, so ya, fo all yo lazy ass gangstas outta there, I’ll try to give yos da best quotes here – BUT still SO worth it to read da whole thang ):

“If I want to see porn, I’ll put a mirror next to my bed,” said no one ever proudly. Apart from Coolio that is. This man is a MACHINE of self destruction. Quite successfully so.

Apparently da wordzzz on da streeetzzz was dat Mr Coolers himself had signed a deal with da Porn-to-da-hub (IMAGINE DAT DEAL!!!!!). But to quote da man himself, “Man, I ain’t trying to make no fuckin’ comeback off some porn.”

CLEARLY. (right there, to yo left, is yo chance to watch this machine and his new vid, apparently he “saw a pussy & a titty” – he’s on FIRE!!!)

Anyhoo, story goes on with him pretty much denying every-FUCKIN’-thang, and bein’ all coolers with himself, sayin’ shit like: “I’m as good as anybody out there lyrically and conceptually and can go toe to toe with the best of them throughout history.” (*debatable).

Anotha fav quote:
“I don’t know where that came from. If they pay me enough money, fuck yeah, I’ll do an album exclusively for Pornhub. At this point in my career, bro, I don’t have nothing to prove to nobody. I’ve proved everything. I just have to prove some shit to my banker. I have to prove to that motherfucker I can put more zeroes in my account”.

Meanwhile in da same fuckin’ interview he says:
I’m never doing a new album.

So ya, Coolio is clearly sendin’ out some mixed messages outta there… FTWWW I guess? Ma guess’s as good as anyone’s I guess (see what ima doin’ here – it makes NO sense what so eva).

But just when yo thought things could not possibly get mo fucked up, vague, and yep. Just go in some sorta wrongish direction… he gives us an explicit insite to how he’s gettin’ old, and his take on da role as a father of his 3 daughters:

“Make sure you wash your hands/Before youuuuuu/Play with the pussy/Play with the pussy/Play play play/Play with the pussy.”] “I have three daughters and I told them if a guy does not wash his hands before he touches you, then he don’t respect you. It’s funny, but it’s also the truth“.

Thank yo for sharin’ da truth with us Mr Coolio. And to all ya dudes outta there, who’s plannin’ a move on Mr Coolers daughters. Wash those hands. Now, during and after (just to be safe).

Gonna go spend some time with ma gangsta mouth now. Ultra excitin’ fo sho. How I roll. Peace OUT and stay tuned FFS.

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Return of da ellaG (or how I will never smoke weed through ma pxxxy)

cooooooool yo.

cool yo.

Soooooooooooo, what up peeps? It’s mos def been a bit of what some would call a while. But that’s no wokkas. I can, and will, explain it all. What happened was, it got massively ultra-dark here in ma hood, and I did this test on FB, “what animal are you?”. Turned out I wazza bear. Shortly after that I went straight into hibernation. Natural thang to do when yo is a bear, duhhhh. Kinda felt good, since I don’t sleep all that much for some, or most, of da time.

Either way, woke up at some point, to: “Welcome to the year of the whores. People around the globe celebrate.

I don’t think I need to explain ma lil’ gangsta ass much, when I admit I went right, and straight back into hibernation. Felt pretty good. Let’s face it peeps, ima no whore, ima muttafucking gangsta bear. Word.

Anyhoo, at some point I did wake up again, it was a very strange smell, still, to this day, I cannot say if it was good or bad. Deffo some good vibes to it, so ya, this smell, and the way it made me feel… Strange combo, but hey, kinda got me goin’, to say the least.

Then life went on, as ya’ll know it’s A supa-ultra-exciting-times-life fo this lil’ gangsta allova time. so ya. For a bit I guess I forgot who I was until…. wait for it… I heard ma song! Yeyo, true story, woke up somewhere, somehow… and heard this – ellagangstaisdamothafuckengaloregangstaofalltimes – So, consider yoself to be a lil’ bit in luck to experience the return of this G.

As yo can see, ima lookin’ mo G than eva… lotsa filters to explore ma gangstaness – ma personal favs are the “food”one, and also the “pirate”one… cray cray pirates FTW me reckons. If yo ass guesses right on which those 2’s are, you will get to smoke some serious shit with me (not like the “this smell” link, that shit is nAstay).

Anyhoo, sharing is caring, and I care a lot boutcha’ll, so ima back with a vengeance, or blog, or whatevz, (same shit, difoo wööörd), to share ma shit whithca all, ultra exciting life as always. Do ya self a favour, and STAY TUNED. (NO MO HIBERNATION BS FTWWW. wööööörd on dat one.)

 

 

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Happy New Year’s ya’ll (or how I wish yo ass a happy NY wit da 2014 mos relevant predictions fo da year 2014)

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So, Happy New Year to all yo gangstas out there! It’s been a lil’ longer than usual inbetween da ellagangsta blogs, only cause it takes a long time to predict lotsa things…. As ima sure yo ass is aware of, this year has come to an end. If yo weren’t – consider yoself INFORMED. This naturally means a new year will start. So I’ve put on my psycho-psychic hat, and hat-ON, sharing ma well-educated predictions fo 2-to-da-thousandfourteen.

All 2014 of ’em. En-the-fucking-joy!

1. Edward Snowden will officially be declared the new Mandela, and it’ll be an epic party.

2. Man City will win the Premier League (nothin’ ima happy to predict…. But how it is yo).

3. Peeps will get more sick of/less addicted to FB when the new video-ads are rolled out (“I can’t wait for the auto start video ads!” said no one. Ever).

4. Da ellagansta blog will keep on keepin’ on and yo lazy ass will get more addicted by da minute. Not to be alarmed, this will only do yo good in da hood.

5. Sweden will produce 100% more cool kick-ass music vids – and ima gonna star in all of ‘em.

6. All da lazy ass clinomaniacs out there will have to harden da fuck up, get outta bed – and DO SOMETHING (*Clinomania – excessive desire to stay in bed/a lazy ass person that stays in bed all the time and has an obsession with their bed).

7. And now for da lucky no 7 predictión: 2014 will be an awesome epic blast. Word on dat one muttafukkas.

2+0+1+4=7, which also happen’s to be this lil’ gangstas lucky # !!! You did not seriously expect me to predict 2014 things??? C’MON – I’ve got an ultra-exciting life to live FTWWW!!! Enjoy the last day of this year and get PUMPED bout da year ahead. Like da good ol’ gangsta Albert said; “keep movin‘”! See ya’ll next year – stay tuned.

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