Tag Archives: ellagangsta

Life sucks and then you die (or how I joined a sitcom and never looked back in anger)

What up mofos??? It IS most certainly UP in ma hood at this very mo – most mo’s to be fair.

Or perhaps not so UP at this particular very mo. Have to admit it has indeed been a thoroughly painful eve fo this lil’ gangsta. Holy crap (YES. Let’s bring holy religion to the table at this latish hour. Or not.). NO RELIGION. I agree to agree with yo scheweet-ass-self on this one.
Yep. NO religion. It’s no fun. (unless it’s Bad Religion – neva get sick of that ultra-special-high-quality-shit. Epic fiesta-FUN material all day every day).

Kinda sucks how ma beloved boyzzz lost (quite fairly) tonite. NOT a fan of that, honestly speaking.

Ima ’bout this impressed…

Gah gah gah gah gah gah. GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

Gah gah gah gah gah gah.
GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

So let’s not speak honestly anymore, kinda boring shit. And not very gangsta. Let’s get excited, let’s have FUN. So what’s FUN? I reckon being a gangsta moviestar is fun.

And what do gangstas do when they wanna have fun and be gangsta-moviestars? And make some sorta statement ’bout da riddicko title-obsessed world we live in? Correct answer would be they create their own dreamish gangsta-fun-title-criticizin’ reality… (or they just smoke shit, but hey – why not do both?).

So ya, that’s what ellagangsta did (apart from referring to herself in 3rd person (which could be considered lame… but not if yo is ellaGANGSTA) ).

YO is indeed a very lucky lil’ wannabe-fun-ass-lovin’-criminal-gangsta… one could say it’s yo lucky day! You get to check this shit OUT.

Check it OUT.

Pretty please lemme know if yo didn’t laugh yo lazy ass OFF – and I’ll refer yo to some sorta lame ass helpline. Back to da honest track again; hope it won’t come to that. And if it does – DO ASK SOMEONE ELSE FO SOME SORTA ASSISTANCE.

Cannot save yo lame ass soul on this one. Not today. So fo everyone’s best well-beingish state of mind, let’s just hope yo enjoy this fine piece of A(ss)rt.

Gonna head back to ma ultra-exciting life now, pinky promise it won’t be too long till ima back. Stay tuned beloved mofos.

 

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How to fuck (or how I’ve been keepin’ busy lately…)

LFC-Gangsta

Yo yo yo yo – or should I say hoe hoe hoe hoe!?!?!? Tis’ indeed dat time of da season!

So ya, hope yo asses have been havin’ a very Merry fuckin’ X-mas so far – naturally mine’s been an incredible blast!!!! Been to a few hoods, seen some OG’s dat I love, and yep, just keepin’ it real basically.

In da midst of all da Chrissie craze I somehow managed to read up a bit ’bout how to be a good fucker… didn’t really think I needed it, just wanted to confirm what I already knew;

Yeyo, bein’ yo everyday OG ima naturally a very good fucker, now surprises there if I may say so maself. I always tend to sweat wine and scream ultra loud, (amongst other good-fucker-actions-and-traits), while at it… so there yo go: ellagangsta is a real good fucker.

If yo ass feels da need to do that double-check and read up on it too – go ahead, there’s mos def some killer advice in dis particular article!

Also, yo may have noticed da ultra gangsta beanie ima rockin’ in da gangsta pic of da day. Yep, ellagangsta is now officially an OG LFC-gangsta. If yo didn’t know, it’s da coolest gangsta 1 can be.

I’d like to take cred fo dis one maself… but big shoutouts gotsa go OUT. It was 2 of ma fav gangstas who gave it to me during our galore X-mas celebrations yesterday, thank yo asses very muchly Agge & Danne.

Gotta run to a  party now, ultra-exciting-life just keeps on happenin’ and happenin’ – don’t know how to stop it – and why would I wanna???? Stay tuned, 2015’s ellagangsta predictions are just around da corner…!!!!

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Smokin’ some shit in a jacuzzi ain’t so bad (or how a certain bro from anotha ho is rockin’ ma hood)

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Yo yo yo yooooooo, what up dawgzzz? It’s pretty up here I must admit, but no fuckin’ surprises there! Just got home from a lil’ trip around ma hood – one of ma bros from anotha ho just moved in, and not any old bro for dat matta.

Not sure I’ve mentioned him before, but he’s pretty damn spesh – we even shared the same breast milk back in da day. And I can tell yo ass this much, that sorta bond is unfuckingbreakable! Anyways, we’re neighbors now, big hood love on dat one. Wörd. And it gets even better, his new joint’s gotta jacuzzi. Felt pretty good to chill there, smoke some shit, talk some shit, and drink some milk fo old times’ sake.

Also, do yo ass an epic fava, and check out ma homie Hadi Adel. Hadz just released some ultra sweet trip hop sounds, currently on repeat in ma lil’ gangsta ears. So ya, don’t be a fooooool – check it OUT one time (will mos def lead to several times of outcheckin’ – just how good it is). Link’s in the image, OR HERE, just click on it and press PLAY (you’re welcome).

Hadio is from Mtl, and incidentally there’s some other creative shit happenin’ in town, apart from Hadio’s amazo sounds… Apparently Quebec has a porn-acting academy for men – some serious actin’ goin’ ON in there ND. Feel free to read ’bout it HERE (and try not to receive the wrong sorta awards in yo hood Hadz 😉 ).

Anyways, fo me ultra excitin’ life keep’s on rollin’ rollin’ rollin’ as per usual. Peace OUT and fo da love of baby cheezes – stay tuned.

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Return of da ellaG (or how I will never smoke weed through ma pxxxy)

cooooooool yo.

cool yo.

Soooooooooooo, what up peeps? It’s mos def been a bit of what some would call a while. But that’s no wokkas. I can, and will, explain it all. What happened was, it got massively ultra-dark here in ma hood, and I did this test on FB, “what animal are you?”. Turned out I wazza bear. Shortly after that I went straight into hibernation. Natural thang to do when yo is a bear, duhhhh. Kinda felt good, since I don’t sleep all that much for some, or most, of da time.

Either way, woke up at some point, to: “Welcome to the year of the whores. People around the globe celebrate.

I don’t think I need to explain ma lil’ gangsta ass much, when I admit I went right, and straight back into hibernation. Felt pretty good. Let’s face it peeps, ima no whore, ima muttafucking gangsta bear. Word.

Anyhoo, at some point I did wake up again, it was a very strange smell, still, to this day, I cannot say if it was good or bad. Deffo some good vibes to it, so ya, this smell, and the way it made me feel… Strange combo, but hey, kinda got me goin’, to say the least.

Then life went on, as ya’ll know it’s A supa-ultra-exciting-times-life fo this lil’ gangsta allova time. so ya. For a bit I guess I forgot who I was until…. wait for it… I heard ma song! Yeyo, true story, woke up somewhere, somehow… and heard this – ellagangstaisdamothafuckengaloregangstaofalltimes – So, consider yoself to be a lil’ bit in luck to experience the return of this G.

As yo can see, ima lookin’ mo G than eva… lotsa filters to explore ma gangstaness – ma personal favs are the “food”one, and also the “pirate”one… cray cray pirates FTW me reckons. If yo ass guesses right on which those 2’s are, you will get to smoke some serious shit with me (not like the “this smell” link, that shit is nAstay).

Anyhoo, sharing is caring, and I care a lot boutcha’ll, so ima back with a vengeance, or blog, or whatevz, (same shit, difoo wööörd), to share ma shit whithca all, ultra exciting life as always. Do ya self a favour, and STAY TUNED. (NO MO HIBERNATION BS FTWWW. wööööörd on dat one.)

 

 

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My naprapath is ultra-supa-hot (or how ima da one receiving a good rub fo once)

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So, ya, ma shoulder’s been really sore of late. So I had to go to see ma naprapath today. To say he is fairly good lookin’ would be the understatement of da century. And he also has the bestest, strongest hands I’ve ever seen (or felt on ma body for that matter). The fact that I have to pay, for him to touch me, does not bother me one bit. I’m good for the money. And he is. Good.

And he is also the poster boi – literally – for the naprapath center. Only saw the pics when I got there today. And I was like, “Woah”, and then, when realizing, there on the poster, lookin’ ultra-fresh as per usual, was the man I pay to touch ma body, I was like “WOAH”.

Felt extra good today I must say. And for the record, this is probs one of the few times I’m not writing anything even remotely close to fiction in ma blog. In fact, it’s all 100% fucktual (pun intended FTWWW).

Ultra-exciting life for me today. Stay tuned.

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Ma girl crush/Oranges + men = 1 (or how ima sharing the secret to eternal youth with ya’ll)

ellagangstaextensions

ellagangstaextensions

So, still cold in ma hood it appears – no surprises there. Harsh reality galore. Luckily enough I’ve got a new crush to keep me warm these days…. Her name is Yvonne and she is pretty and lovely and inspiring and just… hmmm, what’s the word I’m lookin’ fo here?

A M A Z I N G.

Kinda funny story actually, I first met her in da elevator at work, and she’s always lookin’ so fresh, so clean (as ma bros in Outkast would word it), and she is always supa-lovely and happy. So yep, become one of ma lil’ highlights of ma days, to see- and interact with this broad in da elevators… so naturally a crush developed. Images of her constantly Flickers in ma head-kinda-thang. Which is un ultra-nice aspect of ma ultra-exciting life. Anyhoo, was tellin’ ma boss-crush, (which happens to be ma boss, who I still have no chance in hell with… but hey, still coolio to have two crushes in the one building I spend most of ma days in FTWWW), about this amazing woman. I described both her-, and ma feelings towards her, and he goes, “C’MON lil’ gangsta – don’t you know who that is?” I responded, a bit perplexed, I must add, “NO.” I mean, sure she looked familiar in some ways, but just thought it’s cause she’s so lovely and beautiful and I felt as if we had some sort of connection, and that is why da good ol’ familiar feeling came creepin’ on unda ma wanna-be-in-da-sun-all-da-time-and-therefore-black-skin… Anyhoo, turns out she is Miss fucking Universe…!!!! In Sweden-town we only ever had three Miss Universes:

1955 – Hillevi Rombin

1966 – Margareta Arvidsson

1984 – Yvonne Ryding

So guess who ma Misses U is? Lucky #3 muttafukkas! And I belive there is an explanation to her ultra-supa-extraordinare-freshness – the secret to eternal youth perhaps perhaps – she now works with her own skincare line. What can I say, CLEARLY IT WORKS.

Apart from crushing ma crushes, I’ve also been crushin’ fruit in ma kitchen of late. Tonite when I got home I went on a mission to make massive amounts of smoothies, involving a bunch of fruit (duh). Basically lotsa celery, apples, kiwis etc., (won’t go into too much detail as this is no fucking food-blog – gangsta remember…!), but I must mention that it involved nothing less than 7 blood oranges and 7 regular oranges. I do believe the regular oranges were Spanish, not sure bout the origin of da blood ones.

To think of it, I kinda treat, and think of oranges the very same way I treat, and think of men. Don’t care much bout the origin – if they taste good I’m happy to put ‘em in ma mouth. Sometimes they may look a bit off… and then I usually politely refuse… or I still go for it, but then end up in an awkward spitting-out-situation, which is not healthy for anyone’s self-confidence, neither orange, nor man… also makes me feel a bit sicklish, so in general that is not something I’d recommend to maself, or anyone else for that matter. But ya, origin is neva an issue when it comes to me. To think of it, oranges and men do have lotsa things in common:

For one, there is the issue of seed(s), and there is also the fact that both oranges and men tend to smell very good, amongst a wide range of other shared attributes and qualities. Basically, I like oranges and men a lot, for many different, mutual reasons.

But alrite alrite, bit of a classic off-the-topic-scenario happening here… As you were: Fruit. So yeah, turns out I left my smoothie bottles, I need for ma smoothie machine, at work, so now ima stuck in a serious fruit-salad-gone-wrong-massacre in ma lil’ kitchen, (this funnily enough makes me think of one of ma ex hubbies, who strangely enough isn’t *Moroccan. We used to call him Fruity. Hens the ex-factor when it comes to him in particular). (*Even though I tend to not focus on origin of ma men and/or oranges, most of ma ex-hubbies are Moroccan, since I happened to marry a bunch of ‘em in less than 24 hours… blogged bout that one –  do yo homework homie).

But yes, plenty’o fruit in ma kitchen tonite, deffo some sorta party goin’ on. I should probs not be rude, and instead go on and join it, while it’s still fresh (if ima lucky it’ll be as fresh as ma Miss U).

For those of yos who’re into ellagangstaextensions, there’s a good one today, I will no doubt fall asleep pondering bout how I’d possibly be able to reveal all ma insecurities on ma tiny amounts of skin – not so much space, and epic amounts of inc is ,indeed, a challenge I must face one of these days.

Ultra-exciting life much? da peeps ask me from time to time. “Hellz yeah, ultra-exciting galore“, is ma humble response. Stay tuned.

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From da Gangsta’s Paradise to Big Bro to Celebrity Cook-Off (or how Coolio walked through da valley of da shadow of death)

ellagangstaextensions

ellagangstaextensions

So ya, it’s pretty fucking dark in da Swedo hood right ‘bout now. Sure we finally got some snow, but it’s still dark as hell most of da time, which kinda suits a gangsta in some ways. But in some ways it’s just not very much gangsta at all. So instead of discussing my climate disorder issues, I wanna talk bout anotha gangsta, who mos def has been going through some dark shit too. Da question of da mo is, what da hell happened to Coolio…. ? Ima sure ya’ll been pondering bout this one from time to time…lucky you, you got ellagangsta to tell it how it is – to yo FACE!

So after walking through da valley of da shadow of death, while takin’ a good ol’ look at his life, and realizing there was not much left, probs cause he’d been blastin’ and laughin’ so long, that even his mama thought his mind was gone, he decided it was time to make some changes. While makin’ these changes, he naturally did not cross one single man, or woman, who did not deserve it. No surprises there.

But ya, he was sick’n tired of being treated like a punk – clearly that treatment was not called for. So what did Mr CoolYo do? Yup, this G, da lil’ homies wanted to be like, decided to make an ultra-smart career move, (FYI, this is after he was dropped by Tommy Boy Records, and also managed to tattoo a misspelling on his precious skin), he basically got on his knees in da nite, while sayin’ prayers to da street lights. His prayers was answered and he got to be one of da house-homies on Celebrity Big Bro. This is obviously HUGE. And it was a great success, which resulted in him appearing on anotha Big Bro event, this time it was da ULTIMATE Big Bro.

However, this educated fool with money on his mind, could clearly not live a normal life, since he was raised by da strip, and ended up bein’ removed from da show, due to… WAIT FOR IT… Unacceptable behaviour towards peeps who just weren’t gangsta enough. The way things were goin’ at this late stage… I don’t know. But CoolYo knew, he had to be down with da hood team, and decided it was bout time to find out what was really goin’ on in da kitchen. He did not know what was cookin’, so he took matters into his own hands, and decided it was time to… WAIT FOR IT… cook! Yeyo, this G was no fool, next destination was a Celebrity Cook-Off. Turned out to be a great success, where he ended up bein’ the runner up, raising ten thousand dollars for charity. His menu featured a variety of dishes, mainly consisting of different versions of fried chicken. Some of them were perhaps a bit debatable, but regardless, great success.

Once finished with his fried chicken extravaganza, he still felt incomplete. It was like no one understood-, or could reach him. He felt he was outta luck and everyone was a fool.

Clearly no fool, as previously mentioned, he made the wise decision to appear on the renowned and respected show Wife Swap. Unfortunately his GF left him once the show was recorded… but hey, you win some, you lose some, right? Ain’t no thang for Mr CoolYO. After all, this G has achieved a lot, including producing 6 mini G’s from four diffo intercourse-ships, successfully bullriding a woman (is it just me, or WTF does that even mean???), punching a GF in da face & being charged for it, and appearing the epic show Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Woah, I feel so much better right now. Who cares ‘bout da darkness…? Things could clearly be worse. Lovin’ ma ultra-exciting life. Stay tuned.

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Yo is naked in ma face (or how ima already practicing new skillzzz in da new year)

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So, ima already on like 72+ h’s of da NY, and clearly dat means alot has happened… can’t really go into details of too many things, since it’s pretty late, and let’s face it, this gangsta’s gotta work fo da dolla dolla bill y’all, early as… but one thing i’ve started already this year is learning ma sweet ass some cool ass skillzzzzz. One of da first one being da one ima gonna explain to yo in this lil’ blog post, (yep, ima fast learner, no surprises there, but figured this was da most news-worthy one, outta all da skillzzz ive already added to ma very skillfull self this year). So yup, here we go: I see things. Always have, always will. I’m so fucking special like dat. So thought about it, and kinda felt it’d be a good idea to see what i wanna see. Thought bout it some more. Very thoughtful process i must add. Ima also a very thoughtful gangsta creature, as it turns out. Then I just thought what da most coolest, most pure thing would be. I thought of things such as love, birth etc. Heureka mo galore happened. So yep. Practiced fo bout 3 hours and 77 mins. And now I see yo white ass, just as yo was born. Quite literally. Yep. I see yo skin. I have the skillz of seein’ naked peeps. I can already reveal, just like anything else, it’s both a blessin’ and a curse. But hey, that’s life. And ma one happens to be ultra-exciting. 2014 is gonna be a loooooong year flyin’ by. Don’t forget to click on da ellagangstaextension – just as yo should never forget I see yo. Naked. Stay tuned.

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Happy New Year’s ya’ll (or how I wish yo ass a happy NY wit da 2014 mos relevant predictions fo da year 2014)

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So, Happy New Year to all yo gangstas out there! It’s been a lil’ longer than usual inbetween da ellagangsta blogs, only cause it takes a long time to predict lotsa things…. As ima sure yo ass is aware of, this year has come to an end. If yo weren’t – consider yoself INFORMED. This naturally means a new year will start. So I’ve put on my psycho-psychic hat, and hat-ON, sharing ma well-educated predictions fo 2-to-da-thousandfourteen.

All 2014 of ’em. En-the-fucking-joy!

1. Edward Snowden will officially be declared the new Mandela, and it’ll be an epic party.

2. Man City will win the Premier League (nothin’ ima happy to predict…. But how it is yo).

3. Peeps will get more sick of/less addicted to FB when the new video-ads are rolled out (“I can’t wait for the auto start video ads!” said no one. Ever).

4. Da ellagansta blog will keep on keepin’ on and yo lazy ass will get more addicted by da minute. Not to be alarmed, this will only do yo good in da hood.

5. Sweden will produce 100% more cool kick-ass music vids – and ima gonna star in all of ‘em.

6. All da lazy ass clinomaniacs out there will have to harden da fuck up, get outta bed – and DO SOMETHING (*Clinomania – excessive desire to stay in bed/a lazy ass person that stays in bed all the time and has an obsession with their bed).

7. And now for da lucky no 7 predictión: 2014 will be an awesome epic blast. Word on dat one muttafukkas.

2+0+1+4=7, which also happen’s to be this lil’ gangstas lucky # !!! You did not seriously expect me to predict 2014 things??? C’MON – I’ve got an ultra-exciting life to live FTWWW!!! Enjoy the last day of this year and get PUMPED bout da year ahead. Like da good ol’ gangsta Albert said; “keep movin‘”! See ya’ll next year – stay tuned.

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NO undies (or how I got inspired by Luis Suarez and finally scored)

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So, today Ima headin back to Danish land fo some Brossie Chrissie-good-times. Therefore I had to, yet again, get dat dirrrrttttay laundry clean one time. Fuck, even I’m gettin a bit bored with that one now…. So in true ellagangsta fashion I decided to spice it up one time, and this is what happened:

– Got home and took ma undies off

– Looked fo some good lookin’ meat in ma laundry room

– Spotted the one with da biggest … smile … and said “how u doin, Ima wearing NO undies”…

Turns out he was doin’ fine and da rest is history. So yep, I’m extra lucky today. If yo is feelin’ yo wanna score some fresh meat too, please follow above steps accordingly.

Now, more important matters at hand, it turns out ma blog has kinda sophisticated stats given to me, when I care to look at ’em. From these lil’ insights in how you read ma blog, there is one thing that particularly been bothering me of late. Let me explain, or rather ask yo in a perfectly fine gangsta-fashion; Why the fuck don’t you do yourself a favour and click on da amazing, groundbreaking, worth-yo-while, and always qualitative ellagangstaextensions???

Here is a lil’ sample of today’s ellagangstaextension…:

So apparently monster porn is kinda huge deal for all da sexually deprived fuckers out there. I don’t really get it, but big-selling titles such as “Bigfoot Did Me From Behinda and I Liked It“, “Alien Seed“, “The Horny Leprechaun“, “Cuckwolfed” and “At the Mercy of the Boar God” kinda speak for themselves. However, there is a twist to these bestiality-loving writers and their relationship with every self-publishers’ partner in crime, that partner being Amazon. You should mos def read this article, here’s a lil’ quote from one of the animal-sex writers, the rest? Just read it!

“It’s all a facade, of course. My plots are depraved. They’re definitely not for kids or grandmothers. But I put it in a glossy package, so it doesn’t offend anybody who’s just searching through Amazon.”

Ultra-exciting life galore galore galore. And you KNOW IT! Stay tuned.

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