Tag Archives: ella is da new gangsta

Are 2 vaginas 1 too many? (or how it’s a good idea to c(o)unt)

Yo yo yo, what up daaaawgggs? It’s all up here in ma hood – no surprises on dat one!

So it’s been a while since I was up in yo hood… I’d love to say the reason for ma absence is that I’ve been busy with ma 2 vaginas. That would, however, be an epic, phaaat lie… and yo know how I’d hate to lie to yo babay! Turns out ima one of the unfortunate few, who’s only blessed with 1. Perhaps this is why I’m not a YouTube star?

The question “why am I not a YouTube star” is actually a good one. And, in fact, a question I’ve been spendin’ lotsa time pondering about lately.

WHY AM I NOT A YOUTUBE STAR?

There are quite a few potential reasons for this, and as I was bending myself and ma single vagina over, around, and hell, even backwards, trying to figure it out, I ended up asking maself, “is it because I only have 1 vagina?” And then, I finally saw the light! Yeyo, it’s done. Dusted. Settled – Deal. Naturally ma lack of YouTube stardom is due to ma lack of multiple vaginas! Big DUH on dat one! Tis indeed nice to finally have an answer to this injustice…

… there are however a bunch of YouTube stars out there, some of, blessed with 2 vaginas and all. One of them is the lovely, 2-vaginal woman Cassandra Bankson. Cassandra suffers from the condition Uterus didelphys, which affects a massive 0.1-0.5% of women.

Compare these impressive numbers with men’s equivalent, Diphallia – outta all the men in da whole wide world, there are only 0.0000001% of ‘em blessed with 2 penises! (see what I did there, said women suffer and men are blessed – just testin’ to see if yo got yo feminism ON!). So ya, cunting numbers and all, this is clearly not a good example of the saying “too many dicks on the dancefloor”.

Anyhoo, go watch the vid, and listen to Cassandra’s story – EDUCATE YOSELF FFS – it’s not all fun and games to have 2 vaginas!

As for us, ma ultra-exciting life and I are happy with the one we’ve got, gotta go and make the most outta it now! Stay tuned mofos…!!!

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How to fuck (or how I’ve been keepin’ busy lately…)

LFC-Gangsta

Yo yo yo yo – or should I say hoe hoe hoe hoe!?!?!? Tis’ indeed dat time of da season!

So ya, hope yo asses have been havin’ a very Merry fuckin’ X-mas so far – naturally mine’s been an incredible blast!!!! Been to a few hoods, seen some OG’s dat I love, and yep, just keepin’ it real basically.

In da midst of all da Chrissie craze I somehow managed to read up a bit ’bout how to be a good fucker… didn’t really think I needed it, just wanted to confirm what I already knew;

Yeyo, bein’ yo everyday OG ima naturally a very good fucker, now surprises there if I may say so maself. I always tend to sweat wine and scream ultra loud, (amongst other good-fucker-actions-and-traits), while at it… so there yo go: ellagangsta is a real good fucker.

If yo ass feels da need to do that double-check and read up on it too – go ahead, there’s mos def some killer advice in dis particular article!

Also, yo may have noticed da ultra gangsta beanie ima rockin’ in da gangsta pic of da day. Yep, ellagangsta is now officially an OG LFC-gangsta. If yo didn’t know, it’s da coolest gangsta 1 can be.

I’d like to take cred fo dis one maself… but big shoutouts gotsa go OUT. It was 2 of ma fav gangstas who gave it to me during our galore X-mas celebrations yesterday, thank yo asses very muchly Agge & Danne.

Gotta run to a  party now, ultra-exciting-life just keeps on happenin’ and happenin’ – don’t know how to stop it – and why would I wanna???? Stay tuned, 2015’s ellagangsta predictions are just around da corner…!!!!

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Smokin’ some shit in a jacuzzi ain’t so bad (or how a certain bro from anotha ho is rockin’ ma hood)

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Yo yo yo yooooooo, what up dawgzzz? It’s pretty up here I must admit, but no fuckin’ surprises there! Just got home from a lil’ trip around ma hood – one of ma bros from anotha ho just moved in, and not any old bro for dat matta.

Not sure I’ve mentioned him before, but he’s pretty damn spesh – we even shared the same breast milk back in da day. And I can tell yo ass this much, that sorta bond is unfuckingbreakable! Anyways, we’re neighbors now, big hood love on dat one. Wörd. And it gets even better, his new joint’s gotta jacuzzi. Felt pretty good to chill there, smoke some shit, talk some shit, and drink some milk fo old times’ sake.

Also, do yo ass an epic fava, and check out ma homie Hadi Adel. Hadz just released some ultra sweet trip hop sounds, currently on repeat in ma lil’ gangsta ears. So ya, don’t be a fooooool – check it OUT one time (will mos def lead to several times of outcheckin’ – just how good it is). Link’s in the image, OR HERE, just click on it and press PLAY (you’re welcome).

Hadio is from Mtl, and incidentally there’s some other creative shit happenin’ in town, apart from Hadio’s amazo sounds… Apparently Quebec has a porn-acting academy for men – some serious actin’ goin’ ON in there ND. Feel free to read ’bout it HERE (and try not to receive the wrong sorta awards in yo hood Hadz 😉 ).

Anyways, fo me ultra excitin’ life keep’s on rollin’ rollin’ rollin’ as per usual. Peace OUT and fo da love of baby cheezes – stay tuned.

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Consume me! (or what I’d neva put ma baby in)

So, I think it’s clear to all that I in fact don’t have a baby. There are of course multiple reasons for my sans baby situation… For one, the hood is not ideal for a baby, even though some of the best gangstas was naturally once babys in da hood. No disrespect brothas. But as a motha of a possible gangsta-baby in da hood, I would mos def worry myself sick about ma lil’ boi most of da time … even more so than normal NON-gangsta-hood-mothas do, (YES, I’m very prone to believe I’d give birth to a dude, there are pretty much only dudes in ma fam, apart from the obvious two exceptions, I only have bros, my dad only have bros etc).

Worrying about me worrying about my potential gangsta-baby is a bit selfish, dontcha reckon? No surprises there I say… parenting can indeed be a somewhat selfish occupation when it comes to certain parenting parents.

Which brings me to what I really wanted to monologue on about today (while avoiding the other reasons for my sans baby situation, not that I’m complaining, quite the opposite to be honest). Anyhoo, let’s get on with it shall we?

Christmas starts with a big C, and so does another word, which I won’t mention in this particular blog… and so does another very inappropriate word; that word being CON-FUCKING-SUMING! The first and third words go hand in hand. Big Time. And yesterday I was shown this horrible video that pretty much sums up what our fucked up, consuming obsessed western world society has come to… LCD dashboard & mobile phone charger included. Just watch it. I rest my case. (Of course you’d pay to be on yo phone instead of in you baby’s face… I mean, why have a kid if you’d have to give it some actual attention – NO PHONES INVOLVED – absolute ridicule). Not to mention the fact, that the price tag of this transformers device would feed a small African village. Merry fucking Christmas peeps!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERQHRo0fHGE

Oh, and on a diffo note I bought I huge cucumber today (you can see how big it is in relation to my pillow – it’s massive). Now I’m going to bed. I have an ultra-exciting life as always. Stay tuned.

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