Monthly Archives: December 2013

Happy New Year’s ya’ll (or how I wish yo ass a happy NY wit da 2014 mos relevant predictions fo da year 2014)


So, Happy New Year to all yo gangstas out there! It’s been a lil’ longer than usual inbetween da ellagangsta blogs, only cause it takes a long time to predict lotsa things…. As ima sure yo ass is aware of, this year has come to an end. If yo weren’t – consider yoself INFORMED. This naturally means a new year will start. So I’ve put on my psycho-psychic hat, and hat-ON, sharing ma well-educated predictions fo 2-to-da-thousandfourteen.

All 2014 of ’em. En-the-fucking-joy!

1. Edward Snowden will officially be declared the new Mandela, and it’ll be an epic party.

2. Man City will win the Premier League (nothin’ ima happy to predict…. But how it is yo).

3. Peeps will get more sick of/less addicted to FB when the new video-ads are rolled out (“I can’t wait for the auto start video ads!” said no one. Ever).

4. Da ellagansta blog will keep on keepin’ on and yo lazy ass will get more addicted by da minute. Not to be alarmed, this will only do yo good in da hood.

5. Sweden will produce 100% more cool kick-ass music vids – and ima gonna star in all of ‘em.

6. All da lazy ass clinomaniacs out there will have to harden da fuck up, get outta bed – and DO SOMETHING (*Clinomania – excessive desire to stay in bed/a lazy ass person that stays in bed all the time and has an obsession with their bed).

7. And now for da lucky no 7 predictión: 2014 will be an awesome epic blast. Word on dat one muttafukkas.

2+0+1+4=7, which also happen’s to be this lil’ gangstas lucky # !!! You did not seriously expect me to predict 2014 things??? C’MON – I’ve got an ultra-exciting life to live FTWWW!!! Enjoy the last day of this year and get PUMPED bout da year ahead. Like da good ol’ gangsta Albert said; “keep movin‘”! See ya’ll next year – stay tuned.

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Mother Mary and her divine intervention adventures (or how it’s very gangsta to mix glögg and Irish Coffee galore)


So, having a blast at ma Danish Brossie X-mas galoreness. Lotsa amazing food & drinks together with ma fav Danish family. To use a bit of a christmassy expression, I’d like to say Ima feelin’ quite blessed. Hope ya’ll equally blessed at this very muchly festive season time of da year. As per usual I have something I’d like to raise some awareness about, ‘tis time of da year it’s quite a holy topic. YES. It’s not yo mother I’d like to talk about at this specific time of da mo, and it’s not mother T either. To put it simply, I wanna talk to yo ass bout Jesus’ mum. Yup. Mother Mary is of da essence right ‘bout now!

Apparently this woman, (Jesus’ mum, Mother of God, Saint Mary, Blessed Virgin Mary, JM (Jesus Mum duh), the holy Mother, the Mum of all Kings, the Mother of da Virgins, MG (Motha Gangsta AKA Motha Galore)… you get ma drift. As we say in Sweden town “Kärt barn har många namn” – which means a kid who’s popular/loved/liked carries lotsa names. Now, I’m aware that in this instance, Virgo Mary is referred to as a mum, not a child. But it’s important to remember that every mother was once a child. And that, my dear, is a FACT.

Have to start this off with a blast from da past. When ma bestie and I was 14, we were introduced to da idea of non-intercoursenal preggo stuff through a book. In this particular book a woman got preganant from eating a lingonberry. Ma bestie and I found this hilare, and laughed, even more than usual I must admit, and then laughed some more. Our whole class was outraged and left a, not so secret letter, in ma locker. Saying they’re outraged how immature we were etc. This, naturally, made us laugh some more. Don’t think ma tummy has ever been as tight as it was this week. I was FIT. Anyhoo, this mystery of divine interventions and virgin pregnancies is not only massive amounts of BS, but also, (as massive amounts of BS tends to be), quite interesting.

Recently read an article on da American Marys’ side of da whole thing. (YES, still pushing fo yo lazy ass to click on da ellagangstaextensions). Anyways, Mary (mother of Jesus) was obviously experiencing some miraculous conceivement, very much thanks to da power of da holey spirit. Big up to dat one I say. And, as it turns out, there are some Marys out there still today, (clearly no sperm in THOSE fringes, for some very obvious reasons… or?). Either way, turns out ONE in every TWOHUNDRED young American women have had their own lil’ divine interventions. Does this mean they all gave birth to a new Jesus me wonders? Very good, and hard to answer, question indeed, if I may say so maself. Perhaps it’ll be ma NY-resso to ponder about, and eventually hope to find an answer to it. Other questions this naturally calls for are:

–       Do we need another Jesus?

–       Can there be too many Jesuses?

–       Did Jesus exist?

–       Does Jesus exist?

–       How many Jesuses are there really?

–       What does Baby-Cheezes got to do with it?

–       What sort of BS/miracle is a virgin pregnancy really – is it, perhaps, the definition of BS? Or a true, Cheezes miracle?

–      And last, but very much not least, am I Jesus? And if so, is Virgin Motha Mary really a man – who can only get preggo divine interventio style due to his genetical challenges when it comes to carrying a Jesus-foetus?

So many questions, so lil’ time… gotta go back and play some more board games now. Ultra-exciting life is mos def virgo preggo. Party. Stay tuned.

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NO undies (or how I got inspired by Luis Suarez and finally scored)


So, today Ima headin back to Danish land fo some Brossie Chrissie-good-times. Therefore I had to, yet again, get dat dirrrrttttay laundry clean one time. Fuck, even I’m gettin a bit bored with that one now…. So in true ellagangsta fashion I decided to spice it up one time, and this is what happened:

– Got home and took ma undies off

– Looked fo some good lookin’ meat in ma laundry room

– Spotted the one with da biggest … smile … and said “how u doin, Ima wearing NO undies”…

Turns out he was doin’ fine and da rest is history. So yep, I’m extra lucky today. If yo is feelin’ yo wanna score some fresh meat too, please follow above steps accordingly.

Now, more important matters at hand, it turns out ma blog has kinda sophisticated stats given to me, when I care to look at ’em. From these lil’ insights in how you read ma blog, there is one thing that particularly been bothering me of late. Let me explain, or rather ask yo in a perfectly fine gangsta-fashion; Why the fuck don’t you do yourself a favour and click on da amazing, groundbreaking, worth-yo-while, and always qualitative ellagangstaextensions???

Here is a lil’ sample of today’s ellagangstaextension…:

So apparently monster porn is kinda huge deal for all da sexually deprived fuckers out there. I don’t really get it, but big-selling titles such as “Bigfoot Did Me From Behinda and I Liked It“, “Alien Seed“, “The Horny Leprechaun“, “Cuckwolfed” and “At the Mercy of the Boar God” kinda speak for themselves. However, there is a twist to these bestiality-loving writers and their relationship with every self-publishers’ partner in crime, that partner being Amazon. You should mos def read this article, here’s a lil’ quote from one of the animal-sex writers, the rest? Just read it!

“It’s all a facade, of course. My plots are depraved. They’re definitely not for kids or grandmothers. But I put it in a glossy package, so it doesn’t offend anybody who’s just searching through Amazon.”

Ultra-exciting life galore galore galore. And you KNOW IT! Stay tuned.

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Those three words (or let me tell ya how I really feel)


So, went to Copenhagen this weekend, was a blast, deffo no surprises there. Could tell ya some stuff bout da trip, but probs not so much fun for ya’ll, cause more of an epic bonding experienco with da peeps I spend most of ma time with these days, (one thang but, we did not have da Johnny Cash mo we all wished fo. There simply was not enough cake. Sigh/ugh/semi-fail).

Instead I wanna talk bout those 3 words. Those 3 words that have been very defining aspects of ma life – throughout ma life. I also wanna talk bout the extreme buying/consuming at this time of da year. Hmmmm, which one comes first? Chicken or da egg? That’s one I’ll leave for way laters (or neva). But ya, 3 words first,,, then consuming abuse galore (kinda relates to one of ma 3 words in a wicked way, so if yo get me, you’ll get dat one, and then it’ll be so much betta… and no wokkas, clearly I’ll spell it outta ya, in case yo didn’t get it). Anyhoo, here we go (*EXPLICIT MATERIAL. Don’t read this, if yo is gonna go all anal up ma ass ’bout it – consider yoself warned):

DYSPRAXIA: I’ve always been good with organizing shit. Really good actually. However, when it comes to ma physical movements. Perhaps not da best. This could be caused by a number of diffo reasons. And it was nice, when someone, at some point, diagnosed me with this condition, as opposed to calling me clumsy. Yep, after this weekend, I do not only carry a blue, left butt-cheek, I also dropped a burger on da ground (while sober, c’mon), and walked into several cars… to mention a few incidents. I guess, the lack of normal accuracy, is quite accurate when it comes to me. And it’s been like dat… hmmm, what’s da word for it, find maself quoting Bon Jovi here… “Always“.

AMBIVALENT: So ya, mos def no surprises with this one. I have mixed feelings all da time. About a lotta shit. Think I was bout 13, the first time someone said I was suffering from this particular quality-thang. Yeyo, ma footie coach mos deffo had a good point with this one. I won’t bore yo ass with da deets. (Only cause ima massively relating to sore-ass-issues right now).

Lalochezia – The emotional relief gained from using abusive or profane language. Need I say more. For fucks sake. (And yup. Perhaps the reason I chose to go on about 3 words, was to bring this very last one up….).

So YES, now ima gonna take advantage of da last of ma 3 words and say this. WTF is wrong with you peeps. Stop buying stupid shit for da sake of doin’ it. SERIOUSLY. Do something betta with it. Even if it’s still something fo yoself. Chrissie could be a nice time, when we care about each other, quality time etc. Not highlighting one of da most fucked up aspects of the world we created and live in. We got so much shit. It’s fucking sick. Groce to da O. Just go visit yo friends instead of sending ’em shit. Or sponsor something worthwhile for someone, instead of buying them random fucking shit THEY REALLY REALLY REALLY DON’T NEED. I’m not gonna try to make examples of what is right for you, but if you think about it, there is so many betta things you could do for yoself, the peeps yo love – and the rest of the fucking universe. It is nice to give, best feelin’ in da world…. but it does not have to be material stuff that, if you think ’bout it you, mos def, could do very well without.

Ok, epic rant over, or should I say, no more lalochezia (for tonite).

Have amazing dreams ’bout how yo is gonna spend da rest of yo life (and what you’ll SPEND on). It’s all relative, and it’s all happenin’ right bout NOW, (YEP, NO MATTA WHAT DA PEEPS SAY, IT MOS DEF WON’T LAST FOREVA). (And if yo don’t believe dat, check out tonite’s ellagangstaextension… clearly it happens even to da best… !).

Me, Ima starting some meditatin’ biz in Jan, and also involving maself in some greater causes.… naturally I’ll still enjoy all ma fav denim shirts and sushi items in ma mouth on a regular basis – but hey, we all gotta start somewhere. Right?

Ultra-exciting life, in combo with da emo relief I gained from using abuso & somewhat profo lingo, just made me ultra-tired. Sweet dreams muttafukkas, STAY TUNED.

*and yes. Thought it was time to write da ellagangstablog in a diffo time-zone format for once, hope you can appreciate dat one.

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Good girls go to heaven (Ima goin’ to Copenhagen)

So, lots goin’ on as per usual. Today I mixed biz with pleasure when I entertained a gangsta client, while putting raw fish items in ma mouth, felt good. More pleasure than biz I must admit.

Tomorrow I wanna go to Copenhagen, doesn’t necessarily make me a bad girl, but yep, that’s what I’m doin. Gonna party it up bt, lookin’ forward to acting like a proper gangsta in Kristiania with ma homies. We’re gonna be in HIGH spirits nd.

Bit of an outrage in good’ol Aussie town too. Pretty scary what’s been happenin’ there of late… Latest is High Court throws out ACT’s same-sex marriage laws!!

Yep. Pretty fucked. One of ma mates asked a more than semi-valid question today, when he said “what happens if one of the people in the couple have a sex change”? I rest ma case. Who gives a fuck.? REALLY? WELL, CLEARLY THE high COURT DOES. FUCKED. UP. Gonna move on from this one now… toooo disturbing.

What about tonite you may wonder? I don’t blame you. Can’t imagine what it’d be like not to be me. Fucking boring I presume… So ya, thank fuck I don’t have to worry bout that one. Tonite I raced home AW and supa-quickly packed for the ultra-early trip tomoz. Then I headed out to a party in anotha hood, lotsa homies, music, some coolio homie-rappers and massive illegal shit in general. Some good times fo sho. And now Ima goin’ to bed with a homie who insists on bein’ mentioned in ma blog. Anotha broe, from anotha hoe, basically. Need to get into that bed right bout now.

Also, got a new nick-name in ma office hood;PPC HOE. Kinda like it cause it makes me sound like a real PRO. Word on that one mf’s. Ultra exciting life keeps on rollin’. Stay tuned.

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A fist in ma mouth (or how I bring da P to da Party)


So, been a while. Plenty’o reasons for that one, but mainly thought ma blog was somewhat not an appropriate item in da wake of the passing of a legend and inspiration of our time. Considering he spent 28,42% of his life in prison, and still achieved what he did,,, yup. Not much to say. Glad he stayed around for as long as he did.

So YES, gotta lot to cover here, so gonna return to the “points-format” I efficiently tend to use in these situations. Ready? Here we go – ellagangsta style naturally:

–  There was a storm in Stockers this week, kinda nasty. Yup, “Sven” was creeping all ova da city, like an oldish, retardo force of nature. Hit ya in da face like… Hmmm, well, a real force. Much unlike Miley C. So ya. It also happened to be ma very much beloved father’s name-day. Swedish father I have. Naturally his name is Sven. No fucking surprises right there, (or anywhere to be honest). So this storm I had in ma face was named after ma dad, since the particular storm hit us at da exact same time last year. And last year, on the very same day, was also ma father’s name-day… WOAH. Epic huge galore coincidence? Or… Wait for it.. Wait fo it some more… No more waiting! Is da Swedish climate becoming as predictable as its habitants? Ugh. Very scary, boring thought. Predictable even when being unpredictable = boring.

–  Ok, some more funnish stuff. Had a party at work on Friday. Was some good times, and I DID indeed introduce ma homies to ma one and only state of the art party trick. YES. I did put ma fist in ma mouth. I think everyone had a great nite, and particularly enjoyed the segment where my fist was IN MA MOUTH. Epic hawtness right there fo sho.

– Met up with DA girl I met last week again (am I betting for the other team these days one may wonder?). And we went out to an extra shady hood part of Stockers – man, it was ROUGH to say the least – to this debatable party. It was a bit of a dangerous situation. But we did make it through, and had a blast, while barely surviving.

–  Also, some laundry action (gangsta or not, still live in Sweden town). For the record, I washed ma shower curtain today, so now ma ultra clean self will be even more ultra clean – FTWWW. Gangsta style no doubt.

–  Went to a skateboard competition yesterday, was fucking awesome. Haven’t been a part of that community for a while… and was pretty cool how time pretty much have been standing still. Everything was exactly the same. Loved it bt. Sweden’s got some amazing skating talent, fo sho.

–  Naturally I did put some sushi items in ma mouth on several occasions since I last communicated  with you, tonite was extra good, cause I went to da place where they have two diffo kinds of miso soup. #saynomore

–  Also, this one goes out to all yo pervs out there, it’s almost become custom, me blogging in bed. But keep in mind, I’m still in Sweden-town, and it’s freezing… so, hawt in all da pervie-wrong ways. Will keep you posted and let you know if I ever take ma clothes, including the double layers of socks, off, fo sho.

– Now I’m gonna go fall asleep, pondering bout why it is that Ludacris has absolutely no hoes in Swedish area codes. Swedish women have come a long way. Clearly.

Guess yo probs predicted Ima ultra-excited bout ma ultra-exciting life right bout now. A predictable fact/educated guess that’s da opposite to boring. Stay tuned.

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Bloggin’ in bed again (or how I’m so wet right now)


So, had an awesome nite tonite. No surprises there really. But ya, hung out with some cool peeps in their new state of da art office. Some good times fo sho. In Stockers, us gangstas in da online/techie world are pretty lucky. So lucky. We love our jobs, so much, we’re no strangers to working late. Or just simply hangin’ it OUT in our office spaces. And visiting each others office spaces. To hang. Best clubs pretty much. Tonite was extra good but, met some Odd peeps, but that’s how I like it! Howeva, when we left da amazing office space it was raining. So I got ultra wet. In all da wrong ways. Stockers winter galore.

But yes, dried up now, and happily tucked in, in da hood, in da ultra cosy bed-cupboard. Storytellin’ time!

So on Sunday I was invited to a very intimate luncheon with some very intimate peeps from one of ma hoods. We practiced intimacy and conversed in a very adult, intimate, non-gangsta fashion, over some wine, carrots, cake and some more cake, (oh, and we also intimately shared a weird ass, huge Italiano tuna meatball – felt good in ma mouth). It was some good times fo sho. Albeit a very intimate crowd, there was still a few nationalities ‘round our table, (sorry, not claiming da table, clearly it belongs to da German broad who was hostin’ the intimate luncheon event), and of course we have da Swedish connection in common, bein’ in Sweden-town and all. So ya, myself, and two other bright lil’ gangstas was standin’ outside, smokin’ some shit, when something amazin’ happened.

We were discussing lingo, and how we use alotta words wrong, (yup, I get it’s kinda provocative how I bring this up in THIS blog, but whatevz, just keepin’ it REAL). Anyways, we spoke about how Alanis Morissette is bein’ (properly) accused for creatin’ an epidemic of wrongly usage of the word ironic (rain on yo wedding day is NOT ironic, unfortunate perhaps, but mos def not ironic).  Anyhoo, here is where we kinda came upon something quite revolutionary, (YES):

In Sweden there is a word/expression/sayin’/way of life called “lagom”. So far, I’ve never come across anyone who could translate this word in a proper fashion. Until now. Basically we were sayin’ how yo can say overwhelmed and underwhelmed. And then one of ma homies said how someone had questioned whether you could just say “Whelmed”….? HUGE EUREKA mo for us all right there. “Whelmed” is right in between, not too much, not too little, just enough – it just is exactly like “lagom”. So ya, pretty huge mo for all of us, and also for any mankind who, at some point, finds themselves in Sweden/has any Swedish relations, (or just anyone who’s just bored/experiencing lack of substance in their everyday life). So ma gift to yo today is some perfect examples on how to use the new it-word – I introduce to ya’ll, the first part of ellagangsta’s Whelmed-Dictionary;

“How much soup would you like Miss? “ “Hmmmm, just gimme a whelmish amount”

“Woah, that shit just whelmed me. I don’t feel much.”

“How are you doin’ today!” “Cool yo, pretty whelmed to be honest”

“How would you like your steak bro?” “I’d like it whelmed, thank you.”

“How much milk do you want in yo coffee?” “Just a whelm, please.”

“OMFG!!! You guys did it!!! What was it like???” “Ya, bout that one… it was… hmmm what’s the word? Not bad, didn’t exactly blow me away. It was just… whelm. Yup, I was whelmed pretty much”

“Well done, know you have a lotta shit to deal with right now, but still, so proud of you!!!” “Yeah, I know… nah, it’s cool. Just feeling quite whelmed bout it all basically”

Ma ultra-exciting life is far from whelmish. Stay tuned party peeps.

(woah, and I attached another, not so whelmish pic… don’t wanna be on repeat more than I already am.. but fuck, lovin’ these photos oh so much right now).

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