Monthly Archives: November 2013

Think twice! (or how divorce is a biatch)

ellagangstaextensions

So, it’s been a bit quiet in ma hood last couple of days, well, perhaps not quiet, quite the opposite come to think of it. Quiet or not, shit is going down right now, consisting of me currently being in the process of processing 9 fucking divorces, (hope you remember the 9 marriages I managed to lock in, in the space of less than 24 hours, when I was in Marrakech). As if one would not be enough – of course I need to go and multiply that with 9…. PROCESS that mf’s! Yup, to say it’s a shit fight and a half is probs the understatement of a life time (I’ve attached an image to illustrate the way I feel on the inside right now)… anyhoo, it’s coming along ok I guess. Only prob is that ma fav, soon-to-be-ex, husband –the one I’ve mentioned previously, the 16 year old – is more of a complicated process, than da normal divorce process. Even though he said it’s ok for us to marry, despite his age, it turns out Ima not only his wife, but I’ve also become his legal guardian. Don’t ask me how I ended up in this situation, it was very hard to keep track of all these men and marriages at da time, so of course it’s easy to overlook the small print, so to speak, or in this case, quite literally. Today I’ve been using the Internet to communicate with his grandfather, two of his aunties, his older sister, three of his uncles and also a woman who’s close to da fam and specializes in henna applications… his mum refuses to speak to me. Not to be like that, but feel like she’s being a bit of a bitch about it all. But guess, it’s her youngest son, and it was his first marriage, and now his crying… so guess I’m not her fav person in da universe. But it’s not as if I don’t have feelings too, so I do feel she’s being a bit unfair to say the least. Who could’ve guessed this would end in misery… ?

But ya, main problem is the legal guardian situation, basically the ML, (Moroccan Law), states quite clearly, that in cases when women marry boys who are under the age of 18, they will become something called a legal guardian wife, and a legal guardian wife, will, in cases of divorce, still be responsible for the boy in question’s affairs. This is not to mixed up with sexual affairs, it’s more a case of bein’ lawfully invested with a bunch of power, camels and other debatable items, as well as charged with shitloads of obligations. Far from ideal. But let’s see, if there’s a will there’s a way, and I’m sure the both of us will be free from these obligations, powers etc in no time FTWWW, (while, of course, avoiding hurting any animals in da process) !!!

Hmm, apart from that, I do have some huge news. One of ma lifetime struggles have finally paid off and I’ve now advanced from bein’ a terrible at poker to bein’ awesome at poker!!! These are very exciting times indeed and I’m extra pumped bout this one. Last nite I met two girls in a club, we hit it off, and they joined me out to one of Stocker’s most extreme hoods, where we went to play poker with some gangstas I know through some shady relations I’ve pursued in da past. Anyways, rest is history, let’s just say our wins paid for the late nite gyros we consumed after the game, and more!

This ultra-exciting life is mine fo life! Stay tuned.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What I did last night (or how social experiments are the sauce)

ellagangstaextensions

ellagangstaextensions FTWWW

So ya, as I’m sure ya’ll noticed I did not blog last nite. Kinda big thang, I know. Anyways, I simply cannot talk bout what I actually did last nite. One of those… usually ima kinda open with it all. Literally. But ya, last nite shall not be discussed. Neither heard nor seen type of scenario. I like it, to be honest, gives me that mysterious edge I’ve yearned for all my life. But I will give you something though, a few things actually. In points, to keep it shortish, and to da point, (the point also being something rather mysterious. Yup, that’s right, the point and I walk the same mysterious path tonite).

1. Went to something called 5×5 tonite, it’s a “meeting point for tomoz’ culture”.. yup. Good times. One thing though, this one dude was talking (format is 5 peeps who’re ( 😉 ) inspirational/have achieved stuff talk for 5 mins each etc etc… 5×5 go figure kinda thang. Duh). Anyhoo, he was talking bout how he started all these companies with another guy, and they’d never met, or even spoken on the phone, till like ages after they started/achieved all these things. All they did was just texting. EPIC CRINGE. I really felt sick listening to this shit. Sure they’ve done well, entrepreneurs galore, great success times a trillion… on and on it goes. Well done. But hey, no human interaction beyond the screens of their mobile phones – sorry, SMART PHONES – holy crap! I usually call someone after a couple of texts, cause I just can’t bear it… and then he went on to promote this company culture where they basically never see each other, they just text. Not sure where I’m going with this one. I just wanted to put it out there. Outta all da peeps I love in da world, I always try my hardest to be face to face with as many of them as I can, as often as I can. I go outta ma way all of the time, cause I think it’s supa-important, and it makes me happy. And I find it scary that someone promotes robot, secluded, non-in-yo-face-interactive behaviour as a success story FTWWW. FULL STOP. Human interactions for the win I say.

2. What else. WTF happened to Kanye? Good question right there. Please click on the ellagangstaextensions for one, of many, examples of this man’s public downfall. Laugh or cry? It’s a free world -the choice is yours.

3. Social experiments? Just putting it out there. Is it the way forward? In context with above rant, experimenting with human subjects, and investigating a dude/dudette, or groups of ‘em, evaluating, interacting, observing etc is perhaps what we must turn to. We need to do something me thinks. Before we all become 5×5 robots kinda thang. In-yo-face-social is perhaps the new SOCIAL. Kinda how offline dating should be the new black.

4. Guess the sauce! Yup, look at da image and guess the sauce, or should I say the sauces. It’s a fun, innocent, exciting, social and interactive game – ma gift to you! (if you do guess, and get each sauce right, you’ll get a very special prize involving maself and lotsa sauce, ultra-interactive style. If that groces you out I don’t blame you, and we will organize for a more sanitary prize of yo choice!).

5. I’m tired. Goodnite party peeps. Ma life is, not only ultra-SOCIAL, but also ultra-exciting. Stay tuned.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Time flies when yo is havin’ fun (or how porn and analytics go hand in hand)

So, I was gonna post this amaze version of a song, performed by this amazing woman… but didn’t get the rights to it, so ya, now I simply cannot doit. Sucks bt. Kinda goes pretty well with da way Ima feelin’ right now. Seems like it was only a couple of days ago I was in Maroc, happily workin’ on ma blog, fez on like a champ, in da sun… (image attached to prove it actually happened… Ok, perhaps I was lookin’ at a map in this particular instance, but isn’t it nice to imagine I was writing ma blog? I say YES, and it’s my blog, so my imagination rules right now).
Image
But ya, feels like a lifetime ago. Guess it’s true, stuff yo hear through da grapevine… time does fly when yo is havin’ fun. BUT, Ima firm believer of creating yo own happiness whereeva yo is rollin’. This is why Ima now turnin’ to porn. And naturally analytics, (kinda heaven and hell for me… I do have a massive weak spot for analytics). Here we go.

So, there is a site called Pornhub, (not an in-yo-face-name at all, kinda like actual porn), and this site has a lot of traffic, apparently something ’round a billion/month. So kinda big deal in da porn world, and kinda big in da world full stop. Let’s face it, porn clearly gets da peeps goin’, whether yo like it or not. Anyhoo, this site is getting’ with da times, and have started to analyse its visitors and their behaviour, AND how worldwide action is impacting these porn addicts, and their consumption of their drug of choice. It’s kinda interesting, albeit brief. Anyhoo, I’ll let you read the article, anything else would be considered plagiarism.

All this porn-talk made me reflect over da fact that this is the first time Ima bloggin’ in bed… so guess da only appropriate question is: Guess what Ima wearing right now?

Well, since Ima still in Sweden, da appropriate answer would be layers and layers and layers… which is, come to think of it, the true definition of HOT. Yup, I won’t be cold tonite. Now, go back to yo porn, Ima gonna keep at ma ultra-exciting life. Stay tuned.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hoes and holes (or how Ima wearing ma Sunday pants ON)

So, today is Sunday, and it’s been all about doin’ ma laundry… I’m known for bein’ a bit of a laundry-freak, and in Sweden it’s indeed a heated subject, since we use shared laundry rooms in our lil’ hoods… there is a lot to say about Swedes and their laundry, there are books, sites, blogs – you name it (clearly we do have a life here in good ol’ Sweden town…) Unfortunately the literature written about the dramas in our laundry room, (“tvättstuga”, as it’s called in Swedish), is yet to be translated into your language. Very strange it hasn’t been done, clearly there has a been a huge demand, from all parts of the world, for it to happen for a while. But ya, no great success as of yet.

Basically, the laundry room is an extremely aggressive, and sometimes dangerous place to be in. It’s deffo da most shady place in every hood. A lot of peeps put a lot of focus and effort into making sure that everyone follow the RULES  of the tvättstuga. At times it can seem as if their main focus in life, is to make sure no one steps out of line, and god forbid, forgets to, for example, clean the dryer filter, take the dog hair outta the washing machine or take up ten minutes of someone else’s time… bro, yo is in deep shit if yo even think ‘bout pulling any one of those moves…! In most places it’s also pretty hard to actually get a slot, which results in Swedes putting their precious lil’ laundry time before life. It’s like, hey, let’s do something, let’s have some FUN!?! And they’ll be like, NO FUN. Yup, that pretty much sums it up, (yes, this is true, I currently live in a country where laundry times dictates when, or sometimes even if, we socialize, and socializing comes second to doin’ yo laundry).

Hmmm, that was a rather uplifting blog-post, if I may say so myself… kinda makes me think of black holes, (or rather, what they look like. Black holes are actually supa-interesting, they’re kinda parts of spacetime, where nothing can escape. A black hole is called a black hole, cause that’s what it appears to be, since it absorbs all light and reflects nothing, therefore there is just complete blackness, you can’t see anything – pretty fucking fascinating. But ya, I was more referring to it symbolically, if you don’t go into the deets of what a black hole is, they are perhaps not mega exciting, so guess that’s why above boring galoreness made me think of it. Classic “judging the book by its cover-scenario”. My bad).

Image

On a good note, I must add that I got to wear ma Sunday pants today, it’s one of ma fav things bout Sundays, and it always makes me extra-happy! So all in all, a great success of a day. Ultra exciting-life FTWWW! Stay tuned.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

How to put the V into da I and da P (or why I’m too high to go to sleep)

How to put the V into da I and da P (or why I’m too high to go to sleep)

So, on our last nite, in what we now refer to as “da Kesh”, we went OUT to a club, where a sista from anotha mista used to work (sista from anotha mista is similar to something I’ve described in an earlier post. You just replace brotha with sista, and motha with mista. If you don’t quite get it, I suggest you re-read – naturally assuming yo non-lazy ass already read it – the post I’m referring to, it’s called “Goodbye my almost lover”, and it’s really good). Anyhoo, out we went, and naturally we had a blast. Since my almost lover G used to work there, they took really good care of our harem and us, and we enjoyed some serious VIP boozing and met some new homies. Good times fo sho.

Had a pretty coolio last day too, and managed to find a dealer who sold us our drug of choice, (bein’ da most gangsta of ’em all; sweets/lollies/candy), so we were pretty set when we headed on over back to Stockers… however, by the end of da flight, we’re all feeling ultra-sick, due to our riddicko consumption of lollies, and now I’m so high from all the sugar and cannot sleep. Epic fail indeed. BUT, it did taste pretty good, so c’est la vie on dat one.

Anyhoo, back in Stockers now, very much a short’n sweet sorta trip-thang to do, but we mos deffo had a blast, so all good in da hood right now. Will have to go back to take care of ma husbands pretty soon, can’t wait fo da youngest one to grow up, and be the man I know he already is, (yup, his mos def ma fav hubbie at da mo). Infinite ultra-exciting life galore. Stay tuned.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Oooooops, I did it again (or how I married 9 Moroccan men in less than 24 hours)

20131122-195632.jpg

So, naturally ma G’s and I are havin’ an absolute blast discovering Marrakech, gettin’ amongst an (open?) ratio of animals, scooters, bikes, men, fruits, oils, more bikes, cars and all sortsa galoreness. You name it – Marrakech’s got it!

Anyhoo, here’s a quick “so-far-status-update” for you to enjoy:

– I now have 9 Moroccan husbands (one of them bein’ the mere age of 16 years, but it’s ok, cause he said it’s legit)

– I’ve put several STREET food items in ma mouth, and let me share a lil’ secret with ya all – it felt good every time!

– I’m now the proud owner of three camels and one donkey, my aspirations are to acquire at least one horse before my departure (beautiful horses all ova town)

– Abdul, THE dude in our casa, likes to serve us brekkie in bed – very nice indeed

– Ma blonde, ultra-hawt G’s are receiving epic amounts of Moroccan love, (mos def no surprises there), and let me tell ya – they’re all ova it, like fuckin’ Santa on X-mas Eve

Lotsa more things goin’ on in our new hood, but gotta hit da streets, cause tonite we’re takin’ our harem outta party! Ultra-exciting life continues, as always… Stay tuned homies.

Epic party times galore (or how it can be utterly painful to spend time with da peeps yo love da mostest)

20131121-122721.jpg

So yesterday one of ma favs at work did something ultra-sweet for me. He is a bit of an SEO nerd/expert (yes, ma professional life is nerd- HEAVEN), and he looked up a bunch of pages online based on da word “galore”. Turns out it was pretty much all ellagangsta. So I was touched, to say the least. Somehow ma gangsta galoreness is out there. Now, I’m kinda avoiding the, actually, rough/tough/hard (basically not gangsta) topic I’ve touched on in ma header (not the “ellagangsta.cool yo-header” – fuck, I love that one though. Man, I’m stalling bt. Holy crap, I really don’t wanna own up to writin’ bout this. But I will. Takin’ gangsta to da next level, or something rather).

So far my trip has consisted of extraordinary heavy, deep, existential, environmental, self righteous, self absorbed, personal, hardcore and racist convos (ok, feelin’ a bit sorry for maself here, perhaps not racist. Ok, NOT racist – but heya – some hardcore shit regardless). But ya, we’ve pretty much slaughtered each other, although the three of us are good peeps when it comes down to it. And we have similar values, views etc. Of course we express these shared values and believes in diffo ways. But FUCK, the combination of the world being fucked in a lotta ways, and our own need to be individual, special, have our say… You name it. It’s like being back in acting school again, apart from that this time I’m the worst one. Holy crap. Need to catch some zzz’s on this one… (OMG, did I just write that? Fucking hell. All time new low achieved anyone? Yup, check that one ploise). So ya, ma ultra-exciting life also comes with drama. Party. What did you expect. I’m fucking human after all. Stay tuned.

Bitch don’t kill ma vibe (or how ama gonna be sleepin’ with two hawt blonde Swedish chicks da next couple of nights)

20131121-011557.jpg

That’s bout it, havin’ too much of a very hawt blast, say no more…! What can I say? Ultra-exciting life indeed. Stay tuned.

Everybody’s talkin’ bout Zlatan (or how I manage to not get raped these days)

Image

So ya, tonite the Swedish footie team lost out bt – we’re not goin’ to da world cup in Brazil next year, Cristiano made sure of that one. The dealio in Sweden-town is that it’s beyond a craze when it comes to good ol’ Zlatan, and since he scored twice tonite… imagine Armageddon times trés zillion…. or let’s just leave it at, it’ll keep the peeps goin’ –  for  A WHILE.

I do have some personal issues with this at times though, for example, when one of ma best mates from the UK used to live here, we watched footie all the time. His team is Arsenal (mine is LFC, and since this is a CL (Champions League) related story, I rather not mention ma boys in relation to this amazing league at da mo… I’m feelin’ quite hopeful this will change by the end of this season though…), ANYHOO, so we’d go to a pub to watch the Arsenal CL games, and sometimes they happened to be on the same night whatever team Zlatan was playing for at da time, (let’s face it, this dude most deffo GETS AROUND team-wise), played. And then, the Arsenal game would not be on, not even on one screen. And this is not cause da peeps are following ONE team, they are just following ONE SINGLE player – WHOEVER he plays for…. (did I mention he gets around BIG time galore?). Anyways, not only do I find this ultra-annoying, I also find it rather sad. The beauty of following one team, through the good and the bad times, is equal to the commitment in a marriage, (in my own case, actually proven to be more of  a successful, and long lasting commitment – but hey, I’m not gonna be that provocative, to suggest the love of footie is bigger than the love that exists in a committed relationship), HOWEVER, if you truly love a team, that love, for the team, will not change, despite ONE player/person.  And guess that IS one important difference to take into consideration. Cause when it’s over with a dude, it’s over. And there’s no more love for that team basically. And for me this is huge. I will always love ma boys. Doesn’t really matter how they’re doing, sure it’s challenging, and less than encouraging, at times. But it’s something I stick to, and follow through thick and thin. Gangsta style. So all da peeps following Zlatan’s crazy, sleeping-arouond-antics, when it comes to who he plays for, are missing out massively. Ok, enough about that, just a shame at da best of times in ma mind.

Now, I can’t possibly mention something two days in a row, without providing you with the actual info. This is, and I quote,“The perfect Christmas gift for the lady in your life” : (Sweden’s no one Chrissie pressie 2013 just got released in Sweden-town too,,, guess I’m not surprised this wasn’t it).

Rape is something that should obviously not exist. But like other things, that should indeed not exist, it still happens. Now, some rando Samaritans have given us rapable ladies a beautiful gift that, not only, keeps our softness going, but also protects us from this crime. Apparently the makers of these garments have used techniques, which not only keeps us, as previously mentioned, soft, but also are very resistant when it comes to the initial movements of trying to rape someone. To me the whole product is beyond a bit debatable, (not to mention all the rapists who will take on the challenge to try to test this product, and it’s limits. And therefore embark on a journey when they try to rape the unrapable)…. Yup. Not a huge fan. And watching this vid, is perhaps not making me support it anymore galore, (for a LOT OF REASONS). Of course I’ve attached an article written by someone who does a better job than me, kinda have to, although I’d naturally prefer if yo just read ma blog…. How I ROLL!

WATCH: http://vimeo.com/74514464

READ: http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/antirape-underwear-its-not-a-joke-20131113-2xgpp.html

On a diffo, and ending, note fo this gangsta, I’m kinda goin’ on a trip tomoz…. This time it sure as hell won’t be to Västerås! Ma life remains ultra-exciting. Stay tuned.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I was gonna write about anti-rape and Sacha Baron Cohen (or how Jawed is the most hilare guy eva)

I was gonna write about anti-rape and Sacha Baron Cohen (or how Jawed is the most hilare guy eva)

So yup, this is actually a true story. I was indeed gonna write about above mentioned items… however, there is ONE thing in this world that’s been creating some laughter actions within me, to the point where I laugh till I cry, every time I think of it. And this it IT: (are you ready for some hilare galore mf’s???).

But ya, ok. Jawed Karim, the American (THE) INTERNET entrepreneur of Bangladesh-German origin, a co-founder of YouTube, and also the individual who appears in da first YT vid (seriously no surprises there, BUT surprise is, he’s in da fucking zoo!!!), made a comment on his own vid – 8 years laters!!! CRAY CRAY indeed. And his comment is hilare. As you can see in da image I provided you with (as opposed to “not provided” = bad SEO joke, ma nerdiness is reaching obscure levels here, but it’s ok, cause at least I make ma self laugh on a daily basis) But ya, founder of YouTube, and I quote.. “Why the fuck do I need a Google+ account to comment on a video?” If that is not humor on an advanced level I rest ma case. Probs a lie, I just cannot fathom how anyone could not find this absofuckinglutely hilarious.

Also, I saw a cute guy yesterday. He’s ultra-cool, travelling the world, seems to be supa-funny, smart, lil’ crazy and just easy-goin’/open. I really like him. How did we meet? I was tagged in some post about him discoverin’ Oman. So yeah, he’s havin’ a blast and I’m diggin’ it. Will I eva meet him? Fuck knows. I do real well with da boys. Clearly. But ya, good on him keepin’ it real and lookin’ extra-cute. RESPECT.

As always, I lead an ultra-exciting life. Gotta travel to a place I neva been to before tomoz – Västerås [vɛstərˈoːs] (it’s a town/city in “central Sweden”, close to some shore of something called Mälaren, bout 100 k’s from Stockers (AKA ma hood), anyhoo, good to visit other hoods as always. Ima probs a lil’ bit more pumped bout ma Morocco trip on Thursday, but hey, Västerås could possibly be ze SHIT). Either way, fact remains, ma life is ultra-exciting, and YOU should mos def stay tuned. MASSIVE word on dat one. BL = BIG love, AND I MEAN that.

(also, lil’ tip, if you do find yourself reading ma blog kinda semi-regurlarly, you should do yo’self a fav, and perhaps sometimes click on da photos to see where you’ll end up. May not be da hood yo is expecting…!)

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: